I thought I should update ya'll while I have a moment.
As far as the whole.. situation.. "Jane" and I are on okay terms now. Again. Which is really good. However.. her and the best friend she screwed over.. not so good. So.. this should be an interesting year in band.
Speaking of band.. I just came home from day one of percussion camp.. and we sound absolutely incredible. Well, for only a day of playing together, we sound really good. Especially Spencer and I. I mean, not to toot my own horn, but he and I probably played the best together. The snares can all play the parts separately, but when you put them together, it gets a little fuzzy. But not too bad. And the basses are just picking up stuff like crazy.. they're just a little quiet. But they're doing well. The cymbals I haven't been paying much attention to, because.. yeah, I just haven't. I'm really excited to set the first page of drill now. :)
Lucky me -- I come home from percussion camp at 3, get a quick shower, eat, then head out to Martin's by 4:15 for training (at 5) for the next three days. And I originally wouldn't even get to see Matt until Friday-ish because of our schedules, but because I have the most amazing boyfriend in the world, he was like.. "Let's grab dinner after you get off of work Wednesday." So we're going to Denny's at 9-something at night to spend a little bit of time together. Mmm.. I love him.
Anyway. I'm going to go heat up some pizza and then get ready. Wish me luck! :)
7.23.2007
7.09.2007
So...
I'm pretty much not becoming a nice person anymore. I'll give you the rundown of what's been happening.
There's this girl.. we'll say her name is Jane.. well, sometime around January or February of last year, her and Matt were "talking". That was all well and good. Then this other guy comes onto the scene, and she ends up more or less dumping Matt to go with this guy. But she was like.. still with Matt.. but talked more to the other guy. So now.. Matt gets a little on edge when I talk to other guys sometimes. Not like.. angry or yelling. Just like.. sad.. and a bit jealous, sometimes. So that bothers me anyway. So then.. fastforward until now. She's dating my ex, my best friend's ex.. and the love of my other best friend's life since like.. eighth grade. So, instead of saying, "Oh, this is cool, now all three of us can hang out and all, since we're ALL FRIENDS." Jane tells my best friend, "Maybe it'd be better if you two just didn't talk at all anymore." WHAT?! So now, her and my ex are completely ignoring their supposed "best friend". Which I find to be bullcrap anyway. And this girl hasn't quite been on my good side since I've known her, anyway. She's very controlling.. very very VERY flirtatious (which ticks me off to no end).. very dramatic (which is just plain annoying).. she overreacts to everything.. she's stubborn.. she's conceited at times, and "oh, pity me" at others.. and at times, I become jealous, because her and my boo have a bit of chemistry, since they're more into the same music than he and I are, and since they've known each other longer. So I'm hardcore jealous anyway, but then this stuff make it worse.. and I'm just not a fan of her as a person or anything. So somehow.. she found out. Supposedly it was because I "ignored her". But every time I see her, I say hello, if not stop and talk. The other day, I said "hey" and kept on walking to let Matt talk to her, because there was something I needed to look for a little farther up in the mall. But.. blah.
So long story short (that would've been helpful earlier.. lol), I'm just becoming a terribly mean person. And I feel bad about it, if she really did find out how I feel, because I don't want her to think I'm this rude person (I am). It's just.. you can't like everybody.. and she just has parts of her personality that I don't like. My boyfriend knows this.. but those two are still kind of friends. But see.. he can tell me when he's jealous of someone or whatever.. but I'm absolutely petrified to tell him that I'm jealous of her, and that I don't like her. Well, he knows I don't like her, but he doesn't know why. And I don't understand that, either. A year ago, when I pictured myself today, I was a nice person with many good friends, and I was able to talk to people about things. I wasn't this secretive, shy, introverted person that I've become. And my poor boyfriend.. I don't know what he's thinking about most of the time.. but he'll at least tell me if something's bothering him. I just go about like everything's looseygoosey and expect it to stay that way. Who am I kidding? Grrr.. anyway..
So other than that.. I guess I'm not such a bad person.. lol.. it's just. It's tough for me to be like, "Oh, you dated my boyfriend, that's cool." I'm more of a person that's like, "Oh, you dated my boyfriend? Stay away. Stay far awayyyy." Secretly, of course. I could never actually come out and tell someone to stay away from my man. I consider that controlling and psycho. And I don't want my boyfriend to see me as someone like that. I think that boyfriends should make their girlfriend their number-one priority -- the most important person; if they don't, however, don't suddenly ban them from speaking to everyone they knew. First talk to them.. and if it continues.. break up.. because if your world revolves around him, and his world revolves around someone else, then you obviously aren't on the same page.
Ugh. So anyway. I've come to the conclusion that I am not who I wanted to be. And that my relationship is going downhill in my head. It's really not. It kind of bugs me that we run out of stuff to talk about sometimes. Especially on days that I really want to talk to him. And like.. he just came home from church camp on Friday.. so went spent the afternoon together.. and his favorite magazine came in.. so he bought a copy. We had to waste about two hours until the movie.. so he decided he'd waste his by sitting and reading. And leaving me to sit and stare. And count the floor tiles. So I went into American Eagle for a little bit.. and came back out.. and he was still reading.. so I balanced my checkbook.. and at that point, he decided to go to FYE. And I kind of didn't even feel like being around him anymore. So I stayed in a different section to calm myself down from whatever was wrong. And then we went and sat by the movies. And he read some more. And I stared at my cell phone. And we barely talked the rest of the night. We'd have a short thirty-second conversation about something, or whatever, but it wasn't like.. normal. And it was like that the next day, too. Then yesterday, I was at a drum corps show, so we didn't even get to talk that much, due to the band being loud. And today.. well, I haven't talked to him today. So hopefully, I figure out what's going on.
And one other thing. When a person wants their significant other to be more open with them, or talk to them about more stuff, or whatever.. how does one go about telling their significant other? Should I tell him that I want him to be more open.. or ask him if he could be more open.. or ask him why he isn't so open? I know that men tend to keep their feelings inside, and all of that.. but I feel like.. I know a bunch of surface details.. but I don't know the real Matt. And that kind of bugs me. Actually, it really bugs me. He could probably write a biography about me, because when people ask me about myself, I enjoy telling them things. I don't keep stuff hidden -- most of the time, when something's bothering me, I'll tell someone about it. Him, however.. he'll be upset on Sunday, and I won't find out why until Thursday. And it's usually something small, anyway, but he's.. scared, I guess.. to tell anyone.
Anyway. I really need to clean my house. And await my Prince Charming to call me. If you read all of this.. kudos. Bunches of kudos.
There's this girl.. we'll say her name is Jane.. well, sometime around January or February of last year, her and Matt were "talking". That was all well and good. Then this other guy comes onto the scene, and she ends up more or less dumping Matt to go with this guy. But she was like.. still with Matt.. but talked more to the other guy. So now.. Matt gets a little on edge when I talk to other guys sometimes. Not like.. angry or yelling. Just like.. sad.. and a bit jealous, sometimes. So that bothers me anyway. So then.. fastforward until now. She's dating my ex, my best friend's ex.. and the love of my other best friend's life since like.. eighth grade. So, instead of saying, "Oh, this is cool, now all three of us can hang out and all, since we're ALL FRIENDS." Jane tells my best friend, "Maybe it'd be better if you two just didn't talk at all anymore." WHAT?! So now, her and my ex are completely ignoring their supposed "best friend". Which I find to be bullcrap anyway. And this girl hasn't quite been on my good side since I've known her, anyway. She's very controlling.. very very VERY flirtatious (which ticks me off to no end).. very dramatic (which is just plain annoying).. she overreacts to everything.. she's stubborn.. she's conceited at times, and "oh, pity me" at others.. and at times, I become jealous, because her and my boo have a bit of chemistry, since they're more into the same music than he and I are, and since they've known each other longer. So I'm hardcore jealous anyway, but then this stuff make it worse.. and I'm just not a fan of her as a person or anything. So somehow.. she found out. Supposedly it was because I "ignored her". But every time I see her, I say hello, if not stop and talk. The other day, I said "hey" and kept on walking to let Matt talk to her, because there was something I needed to look for a little farther up in the mall. But.. blah.
So long story short (that would've been helpful earlier.. lol), I'm just becoming a terribly mean person. And I feel bad about it, if she really did find out how I feel, because I don't want her to think I'm this rude person (I am). It's just.. you can't like everybody.. and she just has parts of her personality that I don't like. My boyfriend knows this.. but those two are still kind of friends. But see.. he can tell me when he's jealous of someone or whatever.. but I'm absolutely petrified to tell him that I'm jealous of her, and that I don't like her. Well, he knows I don't like her, but he doesn't know why. And I don't understand that, either. A year ago, when I pictured myself today, I was a nice person with many good friends, and I was able to talk to people about things. I wasn't this secretive, shy, introverted person that I've become. And my poor boyfriend.. I don't know what he's thinking about most of the time.. but he'll at least tell me if something's bothering him. I just go about like everything's looseygoosey and expect it to stay that way. Who am I kidding? Grrr.. anyway..
So other than that.. I guess I'm not such a bad person.. lol.. it's just. It's tough for me to be like, "Oh, you dated my boyfriend, that's cool." I'm more of a person that's like, "Oh, you dated my boyfriend? Stay away. Stay far awayyyy." Secretly, of course. I could never actually come out and tell someone to stay away from my man. I consider that controlling and psycho. And I don't want my boyfriend to see me as someone like that. I think that boyfriends should make their girlfriend their number-one priority -- the most important person; if they don't, however, don't suddenly ban them from speaking to everyone they knew. First talk to them.. and if it continues.. break up.. because if your world revolves around him, and his world revolves around someone else, then you obviously aren't on the same page.
Ugh. So anyway. I've come to the conclusion that I am not who I wanted to be. And that my relationship is going downhill in my head. It's really not. It kind of bugs me that we run out of stuff to talk about sometimes. Especially on days that I really want to talk to him. And like.. he just came home from church camp on Friday.. so went spent the afternoon together.. and his favorite magazine came in.. so he bought a copy. We had to waste about two hours until the movie.. so he decided he'd waste his by sitting and reading. And leaving me to sit and stare. And count the floor tiles. So I went into American Eagle for a little bit.. and came back out.. and he was still reading.. so I balanced my checkbook.. and at that point, he decided to go to FYE. And I kind of didn't even feel like being around him anymore. So I stayed in a different section to calm myself down from whatever was wrong. And then we went and sat by the movies. And he read some more. And I stared at my cell phone. And we barely talked the rest of the night. We'd have a short thirty-second conversation about something, or whatever, but it wasn't like.. normal. And it was like that the next day, too. Then yesterday, I was at a drum corps show, so we didn't even get to talk that much, due to the band being loud. And today.. well, I haven't talked to him today. So hopefully, I figure out what's going on.
And one other thing. When a person wants their significant other to be more open with them, or talk to them about more stuff, or whatever.. how does one go about telling their significant other? Should I tell him that I want him to be more open.. or ask him if he could be more open.. or ask him why he isn't so open? I know that men tend to keep their feelings inside, and all of that.. but I feel like.. I know a bunch of surface details.. but I don't know the real Matt. And that kind of bugs me. Actually, it really bugs me. He could probably write a biography about me, because when people ask me about myself, I enjoy telling them things. I don't keep stuff hidden -- most of the time, when something's bothering me, I'll tell someone about it. Him, however.. he'll be upset on Sunday, and I won't find out why until Thursday. And it's usually something small, anyway, but he's.. scared, I guess.. to tell anyone.
Anyway. I really need to clean my house. And await my Prince Charming to call me. If you read all of this.. kudos. Bunches of kudos.
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