Refer to my new blog.
mlehew16.blogspot.com
4.21.2008
1.06.2008
Song for the broken..
I am the comfortable secure -- the definition of this western world -- and I have perfected deceit. Even I believe I'm above saving. I'll never let You see.. I am the broken, I am the bruised, I am the poor ones, I have been used.
When I am breathing my last breath,"Come and save me!" I will cry to You. 'Cause pride has not let me say, "Bring me to my knees." Why does it take so much pain for me to see? If strength is only found when I am on my knees, why is it so hard t o show that I am weak? I am the broken, I am the bruised, I am the poor ones, I have been used..
When I am breathing my last breath,"Come and save me!" I will cry to You. 'Cause pride has not let me say, "Bring me to my knees." Why does it take so much pain for me to see? If strength is only found when I am on my knees, why is it so hard t o show that I am weak? I am the broken, I am the bruised, I am the poor ones, I have been used..
12.26.2007
Yep.
I'm about halfway done my Renaissance project.. finally. I decided to set Macbeth in the Pirates of the Caribbean time period, with pirates. It's actually going very well now that I've gotten an idea on paper. I've gotten Lady Macbeth's costume drawn and finished, and I'm working on Macbeth's as we speak. I kind of wish this production would actually be done. Maybe I'll write the script for it one day.
Today, I decided I want to go to Concord. I'll probably change my mind by tomorrow. But that's okay. See, here's the thing. I got a scholarship for there for a whole $2,000 a year (which really isn't that much, but whatever). If I get PROMISE, though, those two scholarships pretty much take care of my entire school career. Any other scholarships I may get would just be money in my pocket. So right now, the money is weighing out everything else. Even Matt..
I just need a change. Unfortunately, said change won't come for another eight months. Yipee.
This has been one of the best and worst years of my life.. for all the same reasons. It may not make sense to you, but you'd understand if you knew everything I'm thinking of.
"I feel I must interject here: you're getting carried away feeling sorry for yourself with these revisions, and gaps in history. So let me help you remember -- I've made charts and graphs that should finally make it clear -- I've prepared a lecture on why I have to leave -- so please back away and let me go." "I can't, my darling, I love you so. Tell me am I right to think that there could be nothing better than making you my bride and slowly growing old together?" "Don't you feed me lines about some idealistic future! Your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures."
Matt and I disagree on that song. He goes with the guy.. because the guy really loves her. But I'm all for the girl, because she's being realistic, and she knows that love isn't always enough to make something work out.
Love is never enough.
Today, I decided I want to go to Concord. I'll probably change my mind by tomorrow. But that's okay. See, here's the thing. I got a scholarship for there for a whole $2,000 a year (which really isn't that much, but whatever). If I get PROMISE, though, those two scholarships pretty much take care of my entire school career. Any other scholarships I may get would just be money in my pocket. So right now, the money is weighing out everything else. Even Matt..
I just need a change. Unfortunately, said change won't come for another eight months. Yipee.
This has been one of the best and worst years of my life.. for all the same reasons. It may not make sense to you, but you'd understand if you knew everything I'm thinking of.
"I feel I must interject here: you're getting carried away feeling sorry for yourself with these revisions, and gaps in history. So let me help you remember -- I've made charts and graphs that should finally make it clear -- I've prepared a lecture on why I have to leave -- so please back away and let me go." "I can't, my darling, I love you so. Tell me am I right to think that there could be nothing better than making you my bride and slowly growing old together?" "Don't you feed me lines about some idealistic future! Your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures."
Matt and I disagree on that song. He goes with the guy.. because the guy really loves her. But I'm all for the girl, because she's being realistic, and she knows that love isn't always enough to make something work out.
Love is never enough.
12.25.2007
Money.
Ways to NOT save money:
Go bowling.
Go out to movies with your cousins.
Pay for your girlfriend's stuff.
Eat out a lot.
Not ask your parents for money.
Not budget yourself ($25 per week would've done it).
Ways to disappoint people:
Not call when you say you will.
Back out at the last minute.
Use that all-time favorite, "It'll be better next time."
Ways to hurt people more:
Say, "I love you," after dropping this bombshell.
Being more concerned that they're going to be pissed rather than the fact that you "wanted" to go in the first place.
Go out to a movie with your cousins even though you're going to be tight on money.
Ways to deal:
Ignore it.
Ignore them.
Ignore their phone calls.
Don't expect much more than this in the first place.
Act tough.
Have fun in spite of them.
Disregard the fact that you'll be away from home with your parents and another couple. Fifth wheel much?
What I'm doing:
Sitting.
Waiting.
Thinking.
Getting ready to do something daring, something dangerous. Something I'll quite likely regret in hindsight.
And Disney's supposed to be the happiest place on Earth?
Go bowling.
Go out to movies with your cousins.
Pay for your girlfriend's stuff.
Eat out a lot.
Not ask your parents for money.
Not budget yourself ($25 per week would've done it).
Ways to disappoint people:
Not call when you say you will.
Back out at the last minute.
Use that all-time favorite, "It'll be better next time."
Ways to hurt people more:
Say, "I love you," after dropping this bombshell.
Being more concerned that they're going to be pissed rather than the fact that you "wanted" to go in the first place.
Go out to a movie with your cousins even though you're going to be tight on money.
Ways to deal:
Ignore it.
Ignore them.
Ignore their phone calls.
Don't expect much more than this in the first place.
Act tough.
Have fun in spite of them.
Disregard the fact that you'll be away from home with your parents and another couple. Fifth wheel much?
What I'm doing:
Sitting.
Waiting.
Thinking.
Getting ready to do something daring, something dangerous. Something I'll quite likely regret in hindsight.
And Disney's supposed to be the happiest place on Earth?
12.23.2007
One year later..
So it's been a year officially for Matt and I. (: I was pretty stoked about that. I think we had one of the better dates of our 365 days together. He came and picked me up from work, and then we went bowling with Elizabeth, Timmy, and Josh. I love spending time with all of them.. it must be nice to have so much family that close in age. I kind of wish I had something like that. Well, I guess I do, now. (: But.. yeah. After we went bowling, we went to the Chinese restaurant by Ames. It was fun.
I kind of finished my six-weeks project for Gillis. It sucks, but I don't think I can do much better with it, honestly. I'm going to start working on my interest group paper for AP Government here in a bit. I can't believe it's only 11:20-something right now.. it feels like it's about 1 am. I'm not liking this one bit.
My aunt, uncle, and cousin just sent me fifty bucks. I'm kind of stoked about that, too.
Christmas is literally right around the corner.. and so is Disney World. I have mixed feelings about both instances. But at least I'll get to be with Matt for a week! The only people I bought gifts for this year were my parents and Matt.. and that's it. I feel kind of bad, because I like to give gifts.. but I haven't had time or money to get people stuff. So.. sorry, guys.
I thought I'd have more to say than this.. but I'm at a loss for words. I'm trying to figure out how to fill up two - three page with pure BS and make it worthy of an A grade. I need to get an A in these classes. Grr.
I kind of finished my six-weeks project for Gillis. It sucks, but I don't think I can do much better with it, honestly. I'm going to start working on my interest group paper for AP Government here in a bit. I can't believe it's only 11:20-something right now.. it feels like it's about 1 am. I'm not liking this one bit.
My aunt, uncle, and cousin just sent me fifty bucks. I'm kind of stoked about that, too.
Christmas is literally right around the corner.. and so is Disney World. I have mixed feelings about both instances. But at least I'll get to be with Matt for a week! The only people I bought gifts for this year were my parents and Matt.. and that's it. I feel kind of bad, because I like to give gifts.. but I haven't had time or money to get people stuff. So.. sorry, guys.
I thought I'd have more to say than this.. but I'm at a loss for words. I'm trying to figure out how to fill up two - three page with pure BS and make it worthy of an A grade. I need to get an A in these classes. Grr.
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