And as quickly as it came.. that sense of everything being okay is gone.

I feel like my relationship is shot to hell. No, I don't know why. I just feel that way.

I think I'm psycho; seriously.

I'm seriously considering being done with relationships until I'm out of college. They're too much work and commitment for me; I don't handle work or commitment well.

I love him. I do. But I also feel tied down. I feel sad for no good reason. I feel like.. I really don't know what I feel like.

Maroon 5 puts me at ease.

It is so easy to see dysfunction between you and me. We must free up these tired souls before the sadness kills us both. I tried and tried to let you know - I love you but I'm letting go. It may not last, but I don't know.. i just don't know. If you don't know, then you can't care, and you show up, but you're not there. But I'm waiting, and you want to, still afraid that I will desert you. Everyday, with every worthless word we get more far away; the distance between us makes it so hard to stay, but nothing lasts forever. But be honest babe - it hurts but it may be the only way. A bed that's warm with memories can heal us temporarily; the misbehaving only makes the ditch between us so damn deep. I built a wall around my heart; I’ll never let it fall apart. But strangely I wish secretly it would fall down while I'm asleep. If you don't know, then you can't care, and you show up, but you're not there. But I'm waiting, and you want to, still afraid that I will desert you, babe. Everyday, with every worthless word we get more far away; the distance between us makes it so hard to stay, but nothing lasts forever. But be honest babe - it hurts but it may be the only way. Though we have not hit the ground, it doesn't mean we're not still falling. Oh, I want so bad to pick you up, but you're still too reluctant to accept my help.. what a shame, I hope you find somewhere to place the blame. But until then the fact remains that everyday, with every worthless word we get more far away; the distance between us makes you so hard to stay, but nothing lasts forever. But be honest babe - it hurts but it may be the only way.

Looking to the past to remember the future.

Looking back on my sophomore and junior years, I've come to realize how crazy and emotional they were for me. I mean.. my sophomore year.. I loved someone so much that I would've done anything for them.. and not in a good way. I was completely away from God, and didn't want anything to do with my parents or family. He broke my heart, and his girlfriend wanted to break my legs. I was threatened numerous times, I had my parents find out stuff that I didn't want them to know.. and then I finally grew closer to them and God. I then entered a relationship with one boy, even though I knew very well my heart was set on another. And this was all before my sophomore year was over with. That summer was one of the most emotional seasons I've ever had in my life; my marching season was less than perfect for me, I lost a lot of close friends, and I had my heart broken a second time, although it was self-inflicted, and for a good reason. The school year didn't start out much better, either. I was struggling with my classes -- but too prideful to ask for help -- and still burning bridges with my friends. I gained a few newer, closer friends, but lost so many more than I gained. I learned a lot about myself as a person, and am continuing to grow spiritually. I then started into a relationship with one of the most wonderful people I know, and that relationship continues to awe me to this day. I suddenly started to feel like, even if I was completely alone, I still had someone thinking about me, or praying for me. And that was a good feeling.

By the time 2007 started, I had been going through tons of crazy stuff like that. But I was certain that everything was going to be okay. Now, as I write this to you.. my boyfriend and I are still together after five months.. I'm still the vice president of the SMILE team.. and, despite hours of crying and stressing about snare try-outs.. I will be marching tenors for my senior year.

Things could not be better.. and I am quite certain that everything -- even college -- is going to be okay.

Ode by Arthur O'Shaughnessy

We are the music-makers,
And we are the dreamers of dreams,
Wandering by lone sea-breakers,
And sitting by desolate streams.
World-losers and world-forsakers,
Upon whom the pale moon gleams;
Yet we are the movers and shakers,
Of the world forever, it seems.

With wonderful deathless ditties
We build up the world's great cities,
And out of a fabulous story
We fashion an empire's glory:
One man with a dream, at pleasure,
Shall go forth and conquer a crown;
And three with a new song's measure
Can trample an empire down.

We, in the ages lying
In the buried past of the earth,
Built Nineveh with our sighing,
And Babel itself with our mirth;
And o'erthrew them with prophesying
To the old of the new world's worth;
For each age is a dream that is dying,
Or one that is coming to birth.