I'm about halfway done my Renaissance project.. finally. I decided to set Macbeth in the Pirates of the Caribbean time period, with pirates. It's actually going very well now that I've gotten an idea on paper. I've gotten Lady Macbeth's costume drawn and finished, and I'm working on Macbeth's as we speak. I kind of wish this production would actually be done. Maybe I'll write the script for it one day.
Today, I decided I want to go to Concord. I'll probably change my mind by tomorrow. But that's okay. See, here's the thing. I got a scholarship for there for a whole $2,000 a year (which really isn't that much, but whatever). If I get PROMISE, though, those two scholarships pretty much take care of my entire school career. Any other scholarships I may get would just be money in my pocket. So right now, the money is weighing out everything else. Even Matt..
I just need a change. Unfortunately, said change won't come for another eight months. Yipee.
This has been one of the best and worst years of my life.. for all the same reasons. It may not make sense to you, but you'd understand if you knew everything I'm thinking of.
"I feel I must interject here: you're getting carried away feeling sorry for yourself with these revisions, and gaps in history. So let me help you remember -- I've made charts and graphs that should finally make it clear -- I've prepared a lecture on why I have to leave -- so please back away and let me go." "I can't, my darling, I love you so. Tell me am I right to think that there could be nothing better than making you my bride and slowly growing old together?" "Don't you feed me lines about some idealistic future! Your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures."
Matt and I disagree on that song. He goes with the guy.. because the guy really loves her. But I'm all for the girl, because she's being realistic, and she knows that love isn't always enough to make something work out.
Love is never enough.
12.26.2007
12.25.2007
Money.
Ways to NOT save money:
Go bowling.
Go out to movies with your cousins.
Pay for your girlfriend's stuff.
Eat out a lot.
Not ask your parents for money.
Not budget yourself ($25 per week would've done it).
Ways to disappoint people:
Not call when you say you will.
Back out at the last minute.
Use that all-time favorite, "It'll be better next time."
Ways to hurt people more:
Say, "I love you," after dropping this bombshell.
Being more concerned that they're going to be pissed rather than the fact that you "wanted" to go in the first place.
Go out to a movie with your cousins even though you're going to be tight on money.
Ways to deal:
Ignore it.
Ignore them.
Ignore their phone calls.
Don't expect much more than this in the first place.
Act tough.
Have fun in spite of them.
Disregard the fact that you'll be away from home with your parents and another couple. Fifth wheel much?
What I'm doing:
Sitting.
Waiting.
Thinking.
Getting ready to do something daring, something dangerous. Something I'll quite likely regret in hindsight.
And Disney's supposed to be the happiest place on Earth?
Go bowling.
Go out to movies with your cousins.
Pay for your girlfriend's stuff.
Eat out a lot.
Not ask your parents for money.
Not budget yourself ($25 per week would've done it).
Ways to disappoint people:
Not call when you say you will.
Back out at the last minute.
Use that all-time favorite, "It'll be better next time."
Ways to hurt people more:
Say, "I love you," after dropping this bombshell.
Being more concerned that they're going to be pissed rather than the fact that you "wanted" to go in the first place.
Go out to a movie with your cousins even though you're going to be tight on money.
Ways to deal:
Ignore it.
Ignore them.
Ignore their phone calls.
Don't expect much more than this in the first place.
Act tough.
Have fun in spite of them.
Disregard the fact that you'll be away from home with your parents and another couple. Fifth wheel much?
What I'm doing:
Sitting.
Waiting.
Thinking.
Getting ready to do something daring, something dangerous. Something I'll quite likely regret in hindsight.
And Disney's supposed to be the happiest place on Earth?
12.23.2007
One year later..
So it's been a year officially for Matt and I. (: I was pretty stoked about that. I think we had one of the better dates of our 365 days together. He came and picked me up from work, and then we went bowling with Elizabeth, Timmy, and Josh. I love spending time with all of them.. it must be nice to have so much family that close in age. I kind of wish I had something like that. Well, I guess I do, now. (: But.. yeah. After we went bowling, we went to the Chinese restaurant by Ames. It was fun.
I kind of finished my six-weeks project for Gillis. It sucks, but I don't think I can do much better with it, honestly. I'm going to start working on my interest group paper for AP Government here in a bit. I can't believe it's only 11:20-something right now.. it feels like it's about 1 am. I'm not liking this one bit.
My aunt, uncle, and cousin just sent me fifty bucks. I'm kind of stoked about that, too.
Christmas is literally right around the corner.. and so is Disney World. I have mixed feelings about both instances. But at least I'll get to be with Matt for a week! The only people I bought gifts for this year were my parents and Matt.. and that's it. I feel kind of bad, because I like to give gifts.. but I haven't had time or money to get people stuff. So.. sorry, guys.
I thought I'd have more to say than this.. but I'm at a loss for words. I'm trying to figure out how to fill up two - three page with pure BS and make it worthy of an A grade. I need to get an A in these classes. Grr.
I kind of finished my six-weeks project for Gillis. It sucks, but I don't think I can do much better with it, honestly. I'm going to start working on my interest group paper for AP Government here in a bit. I can't believe it's only 11:20-something right now.. it feels like it's about 1 am. I'm not liking this one bit.
My aunt, uncle, and cousin just sent me fifty bucks. I'm kind of stoked about that, too.
Christmas is literally right around the corner.. and so is Disney World. I have mixed feelings about both instances. But at least I'll get to be with Matt for a week! The only people I bought gifts for this year were my parents and Matt.. and that's it. I feel kind of bad, because I like to give gifts.. but I haven't had time or money to get people stuff. So.. sorry, guys.
I thought I'd have more to say than this.. but I'm at a loss for words. I'm trying to figure out how to fill up two - three page with pure BS and make it worthy of an A grade. I need to get an A in these classes. Grr.
12.22.2007
Ugh.
Tell me how writing a paper on a book we've read is going to help us. I understand they want us to broaden our horizons.. but seriously. The past two books I've written about are books I've read previously and have enjoyed thoroughly. I basically am telling people why I liked the book. But I'm doing it in three pages instead of a conversation.
That is so lame on so many levels.
And what's the point of a senior project? My major for my senior project: Undecided. No lie. I'm going to figure out some way to do it. I have to write a research paper on it.. no big deal. I'll write a little bit about different "career clusters". Ohh, Mr. Riley would be pissed.
And what is with Cowgill giving us busy work?
Somebody get me a large alcoholic drink. Please.
That is so lame on so many levels.
And what's the point of a senior project? My major for my senior project: Undecided. No lie. I'm going to figure out some way to do it. I have to write a research paper on it.. no big deal. I'll write a little bit about different "career clusters". Ohh, Mr. Riley would be pissed.
And what is with Cowgill giving us busy work?
Somebody get me a large alcoholic drink. Please.
12.17.2007
More nonsense.
Things I'm looking forward to:
Working tomorrow.
Seeing Matt on Wednesday.
Beth's Christmas party on Saturday.
Gift-wrapping Saturday morning.
Finishing Matt's present.
Getting my Christmas present.
Finishing my MacBeth project.
Disney World.
The rest of my senior year.
College.
The rest of my life.
Things I'm not looking forward to:
Thinking about Matt being in D.C. without me.
Only getting fifteen minutes outside of church to cuddle with Matt on Wednesday.
Starting Matt's present.
Seeing Matt's reaction to said present.
Starting my MacBeth project.
Disney World.
The rest of my senior year.
College.
The rest of my life.
Beth Mason is having a Christmas party thing this weekend. I'm looking forward to it.. I like Matt's friends. Ben and Patrick and Jordan and Matt (Cosner) will be there.. I'm excited. I love those boys. And Patrick always always always talks to me, no matter what. So at least I know I'll have someone to talk to when Matt's off being the popular party animal that he is.
I'm slacking off majorly in some of my classes.. mostly, AP Government. Not good, since it's a weighted class, and a higher grade in that means above a 4.0 GPA. But right now.. I'm at a 4.0.. so I'm happy. I do have 100% in math class right now, because I've actually been doing my homework and OAs. Or at least attempting both. And actually.. I had a 92.1% in government as of December 12ish.. but.. that's without our sock puppet show, our GDP homework, and the interest group paper that I didn't get to turn in today due to a band function that I forgot about sort of. My English 101 paper is actually done, almost. It's mostly finished.. I just have to make some last minute corrections on it. Speaking of college classes.. my psych teacher told me that my research paper about methamphetamine addiction was so good that she was going to use it for her counseling class. I was pretty proud of myself, actually. My parents were, too. The few people I wanted to show pride, though.. could care less. That kind of hurt. I'm doing well in that class this six weeks.. I'm very pleased with myself. I was the very first presentation on the first day, and the only points I got taken off were because I forgot to do one little thing. In other words.. my presentation and research paper were absolutely perfect. You have no idea how important that is to me. If I can ace the final, there's a possibility I can make a high B or low A for my final grade. That would be amazing. My English 101 class is okay.. British Literature would be better if he didn't make us do so much. But I can't fault him for doing his job. AP Government is just.. I don't know. I don't enjoy it. I love Mr. Cowgill.. it's not him.. it's just. I don't have a passion for that class at all. It's not like Marketing, or Economics.. which were amazing and I wish I could retake them both. I never pay attention in math class, and I know I should.. but I have a really tough time of it. I apologized to Mrs. Cosner for that, too. She knows it's not her teaching.. she's a great teacher. I just have trouble sitting still for that long learning about math. Especially in a room with cell service, and especially at a time when Matt sometimes checks his phone.
Next semester will either be really easy or freakin' ridiculous. I'm expecting the latter. I'll still have British Literature, so that won't be much different. I'll have English 102 rather than English 101, so that might be harder.. I'm not sure. But then we have College Speech.. I'm not so sure about that class. I have Biology with Mr. Clark.. I haven't had Mr. Clark since ninth grade, so this will be fun. And I have Accounting I with Mrs. Luvara, who I had last year for Economics. I love her, even though she's what people consider a "mean" teacher. She does her job, kids don't like it. *shrug* I think she's a good teacher. And I miss having Blake and Tony in my classes. I loved VoTech. (TCBY = Tony's Country Buttered Yams)
I leave for Disney in.. ehh.. ten and a half days. I'm kind of excited about that. But I know that I have two projects to be working on, so I'm not looking forward to doing those. And I have to get Matt's gift done before Saturday, so that I can wrap it on Saturday and give it to him before Beth's party. I'm a bit worried, to be honest. I'm hoping I can utilize my day off on Friday to do that.. and the housework that Dad and Mom ask me to do. But guess who all is going to Disney? Or did I already say.. oh well. Mom, Dad, myself.. and then Matt, Stetter, and Eesh. I'm effing excited for that. I hope we all get along.. I think we will. Downside? I have to sleep in a hotel with three snorers for a night. Not looking forward to that at all. But I'm hoping Mom and Dad fall asleep and Matt and I just stay up and cuddle. (: haha.. and get this. He's staying over the night before we leave. His parents are actually letting him. I'm expecting the apocalypse soon.
Mom said that if Matt and Matt were going to FSU.. and I went, too.. she'd buy us three a house. Well.. she'd buy the house and they would pay rent or whatever. And I was all cool with it.. because I trust myself and the fact that I'm saving myself for marriage. Matt's response was, "Sweet! We'd lose our virginity in the first week." I'm glad one of us has faith.. lol.. I do think that would be nice, though. I know I'd get along with my roommates, at least.
My mind has honestly been so focused on schoolwork and college and stuff that I really don't care about anything else. And when I do care about something else, it's trivial. Like Matt's Christmas present.. it requires a certain part of the computer for a specific reason. Well.. this certain part on ours is BROKE. So I was like.. flipping out, upset, frustrated, near tears, trying to fix the computer today. I never did get it fixed. But I'm going to try to get all of the stuff done tomorrow before school starts.. if Mrs. Bradley is feeling nice. If I can get the first half of it done by tomorrow morning, then I can make haystacks tomorrow right after school, then run in to Wal*Mart before I go into work, then go to work 6 - 10.. then come home and sleep. (: Then I'll have Wednesday, Thursday, and all day Friday to work on stuff.. which is good. But.. seriously.. I have not been excited for anything. This is a bad time for a Disney vacation. I have too much to do. If they could postpone it for awhile.. that'd be awesome. I don't want to go because I have so much stuff left to do. Matt keeps telling me to lighten up but.. I can't. He doesn't understand the whole concept of honors classes and having to get scholarships. I hate it.
I don't feel like badmouthing my boyfriend right now. But if you ask me about it, I will most certainly talk your ear off about how I feel.
Fine Arts starts soon.. I'm pretty excited about that. I'm doing three events.. human video, puppetry group, and instrumental ensemble. I have a feeling I'll be on the not-so-favorable human video team.. which means we probably won't advance, but that's okay.. and the puppet team, which advance every year because they're all amazing.. and instrumental, and I really wish they could do the Ascension. Actually, they really could do the Ascension. But they won't. Argh.. now I'm frustrated. I want to play that song again. The piano part was amazing. But I don't know why I did FA anymore.. because I'm really not good at it.. and I'll have to practice stuff to get better. I don't have time as it is. I'll have Fine Arts all day on Sundays.. nothing really on Mondays.. jazz band Tuesday mornings and community band Tuesday evenings.. drum lessons and church on Wednesdays.. nothing really on Thursdays.. and then probably work from 4:30 - 10 on Friday and then a six or eight hour shift on Saturday. Plus, somewhere in between, I have instrumental ensemble practice with Chris, Staci, Will, and whoever else. I don't know how Staci is doing nine events.. I'm strapped as it is with three. Oh, and I can't forget those extra SMILE Team activities that will be sprinkled here and there.. plus Region Band and WVU Honor Band and all of that good stuff. I love being this stretched out.. I absolutely love it.
And, by the way, I just found out that Youth Convention, which I have been looking forward to since forever, is scheduled the same weekend as my senior prom. If I go to DYC, then I miss one of the most important nights of my high school career. If I go to prom, I have to also convince Matt to stay home and go to prom with me, OR I have a crummy time. Or I go to prom with Chris George and make Matt very jealous.
I feel like there's something very wrong. I can't pinpoint it.. but I can feel it. Sometimes, I think I've put myself into a mild depression due to stress. Nothing I do anymore makes me happy.. even spending time with Matt doesn't make me happy sometimes. The other day, I honestly wanted to throw myself in front of a truck. I have no idea what I was so upset over. I do know that drinking OJ makes me a bit happier. I think I have an iron deficiency or a vitamin deficiency or something. Maybe I'm just tired. All of this work work work has taken a toll on me. I'll be in Disney, but my mind will still be on British Literature and my senior project (which is a pass or fail grade). They're both due around the same time, too, so I'll be doubly stressed. I haven't even started on my senior project because I haven't had too much time to do it.. and I've almost finished reading MacBeth so I can get my Brit. Lit. project out of the way as soon as I can.
Anyway.. I think I've rambled on enough. I have so much more to say, but I was supposed to be in bed an hour ago, and I have school at a normal time tomorrow. I do, however, miss the days when I had bunches of free time and didn't have to worry so much.
Grr.
Working tomorrow.
Seeing Matt on Wednesday.
Beth's Christmas party on Saturday.
Gift-wrapping Saturday morning.
Finishing Matt's present.
Getting my Christmas present.
Finishing my MacBeth project.
Disney World.
The rest of my senior year.
College.
The rest of my life.
Things I'm not looking forward to:
Thinking about Matt being in D.C. without me.
Only getting fifteen minutes outside of church to cuddle with Matt on Wednesday.
Starting Matt's present.
Seeing Matt's reaction to said present.
Starting my MacBeth project.
Disney World.
The rest of my senior year.
College.
The rest of my life.
Beth Mason is having a Christmas party thing this weekend. I'm looking forward to it.. I like Matt's friends. Ben and Patrick and Jordan and Matt (Cosner) will be there.. I'm excited. I love those boys. And Patrick always always always talks to me, no matter what. So at least I know I'll have someone to talk to when Matt's off being the popular party animal that he is.
I'm slacking off majorly in some of my classes.. mostly, AP Government. Not good, since it's a weighted class, and a higher grade in that means above a 4.0 GPA. But right now.. I'm at a 4.0.. so I'm happy. I do have 100% in math class right now, because I've actually been doing my homework and OAs. Or at least attempting both. And actually.. I had a 92.1% in government as of December 12ish.. but.. that's without our sock puppet show, our GDP homework, and the interest group paper that I didn't get to turn in today due to a band function that I forgot about sort of. My English 101 paper is actually done, almost. It's mostly finished.. I just have to make some last minute corrections on it. Speaking of college classes.. my psych teacher told me that my research paper about methamphetamine addiction was so good that she was going to use it for her counseling class. I was pretty proud of myself, actually. My parents were, too. The few people I wanted to show pride, though.. could care less. That kind of hurt. I'm doing well in that class this six weeks.. I'm very pleased with myself. I was the very first presentation on the first day, and the only points I got taken off were because I forgot to do one little thing. In other words.. my presentation and research paper were absolutely perfect. You have no idea how important that is to me. If I can ace the final, there's a possibility I can make a high B or low A for my final grade. That would be amazing. My English 101 class is okay.. British Literature would be better if he didn't make us do so much. But I can't fault him for doing his job. AP Government is just.. I don't know. I don't enjoy it. I love Mr. Cowgill.. it's not him.. it's just. I don't have a passion for that class at all. It's not like Marketing, or Economics.. which were amazing and I wish I could retake them both. I never pay attention in math class, and I know I should.. but I have a really tough time of it. I apologized to Mrs. Cosner for that, too. She knows it's not her teaching.. she's a great teacher. I just have trouble sitting still for that long learning about math. Especially in a room with cell service, and especially at a time when Matt sometimes checks his phone.
Next semester will either be really easy or freakin' ridiculous. I'm expecting the latter. I'll still have British Literature, so that won't be much different. I'll have English 102 rather than English 101, so that might be harder.. I'm not sure. But then we have College Speech.. I'm not so sure about that class. I have Biology with Mr. Clark.. I haven't had Mr. Clark since ninth grade, so this will be fun. And I have Accounting I with Mrs. Luvara, who I had last year for Economics. I love her, even though she's what people consider a "mean" teacher. She does her job, kids don't like it. *shrug* I think she's a good teacher. And I miss having Blake and Tony in my classes. I loved VoTech. (TCBY = Tony's Country Buttered Yams)
I leave for Disney in.. ehh.. ten and a half days. I'm kind of excited about that. But I know that I have two projects to be working on, so I'm not looking forward to doing those. And I have to get Matt's gift done before Saturday, so that I can wrap it on Saturday and give it to him before Beth's party. I'm a bit worried, to be honest. I'm hoping I can utilize my day off on Friday to do that.. and the housework that Dad and Mom ask me to do. But guess who all is going to Disney? Or did I already say.. oh well. Mom, Dad, myself.. and then Matt, Stetter, and Eesh. I'm effing excited for that. I hope we all get along.. I think we will. Downside? I have to sleep in a hotel with three snorers for a night. Not looking forward to that at all. But I'm hoping Mom and Dad fall asleep and Matt and I just stay up and cuddle. (: haha.. and get this. He's staying over the night before we leave. His parents are actually letting him. I'm expecting the apocalypse soon.
Mom said that if Matt and Matt were going to FSU.. and I went, too.. she'd buy us three a house. Well.. she'd buy the house and they would pay rent or whatever. And I was all cool with it.. because I trust myself and the fact that I'm saving myself for marriage. Matt's response was, "Sweet! We'd lose our virginity in the first week." I'm glad one of us has faith.. lol.. I do think that would be nice, though. I know I'd get along with my roommates, at least.
My mind has honestly been so focused on schoolwork and college and stuff that I really don't care about anything else. And when I do care about something else, it's trivial. Like Matt's Christmas present.. it requires a certain part of the computer for a specific reason. Well.. this certain part on ours is BROKE. So I was like.. flipping out, upset, frustrated, near tears, trying to fix the computer today. I never did get it fixed. But I'm going to try to get all of the stuff done tomorrow before school starts.. if Mrs. Bradley is feeling nice. If I can get the first half of it done by tomorrow morning, then I can make haystacks tomorrow right after school, then run in to Wal*Mart before I go into work, then go to work 6 - 10.. then come home and sleep. (: Then I'll have Wednesday, Thursday, and all day Friday to work on stuff.. which is good. But.. seriously.. I have not been excited for anything. This is a bad time for a Disney vacation. I have too much to do. If they could postpone it for awhile.. that'd be awesome. I don't want to go because I have so much stuff left to do. Matt keeps telling me to lighten up but.. I can't. He doesn't understand the whole concept of honors classes and having to get scholarships. I hate it.
I don't feel like badmouthing my boyfriend right now. But if you ask me about it, I will most certainly talk your ear off about how I feel.
Fine Arts starts soon.. I'm pretty excited about that. I'm doing three events.. human video, puppetry group, and instrumental ensemble. I have a feeling I'll be on the not-so-favorable human video team.. which means we probably won't advance, but that's okay.. and the puppet team, which advance every year because they're all amazing.. and instrumental, and I really wish they could do the Ascension. Actually, they really could do the Ascension. But they won't. Argh.. now I'm frustrated. I want to play that song again. The piano part was amazing. But I don't know why I did FA anymore.. because I'm really not good at it.. and I'll have to practice stuff to get better. I don't have time as it is. I'll have Fine Arts all day on Sundays.. nothing really on Mondays.. jazz band Tuesday mornings and community band Tuesday evenings.. drum lessons and church on Wednesdays.. nothing really on Thursdays.. and then probably work from 4:30 - 10 on Friday and then a six or eight hour shift on Saturday. Plus, somewhere in between, I have instrumental ensemble practice with Chris, Staci, Will, and whoever else. I don't know how Staci is doing nine events.. I'm strapped as it is with three. Oh, and I can't forget those extra SMILE Team activities that will be sprinkled here and there.. plus Region Band and WVU Honor Band and all of that good stuff. I love being this stretched out.. I absolutely love it.
And, by the way, I just found out that Youth Convention, which I have been looking forward to since forever, is scheduled the same weekend as my senior prom. If I go to DYC, then I miss one of the most important nights of my high school career. If I go to prom, I have to also convince Matt to stay home and go to prom with me, OR I have a crummy time. Or I go to prom with Chris George and make Matt very jealous.
I feel like there's something very wrong. I can't pinpoint it.. but I can feel it. Sometimes, I think I've put myself into a mild depression due to stress. Nothing I do anymore makes me happy.. even spending time with Matt doesn't make me happy sometimes. The other day, I honestly wanted to throw myself in front of a truck. I have no idea what I was so upset over. I do know that drinking OJ makes me a bit happier. I think I have an iron deficiency or a vitamin deficiency or something. Maybe I'm just tired. All of this work work work has taken a toll on me. I'll be in Disney, but my mind will still be on British Literature and my senior project (which is a pass or fail grade). They're both due around the same time, too, so I'll be doubly stressed. I haven't even started on my senior project because I haven't had too much time to do it.. and I've almost finished reading MacBeth so I can get my Brit. Lit. project out of the way as soon as I can.
Anyway.. I think I've rambled on enough. I have so much more to say, but I was supposed to be in bed an hour ago, and I have school at a normal time tomorrow. I do, however, miss the days when I had bunches of free time and didn't have to worry so much.
Grr.
12.16.2007
Nonsense.
I appreciate the honesty, but some things I didn't need to know.
The brain is the most powerful sex organ.
Sometimes, I wish you'd get over yourself and suck it up.
I understand you, completely. I just wish I could convey it platonically.
I wish you wouldn't have told me how you once felt about her.
Why do you really think I'm going to Frostburg?
There's no subtle way to tell you what I need to.
Pornography is ruining our relationship.
Your jokes aren't that funny.
I still miss you, sometimes. And I'd like to get to know her, on better terms.
I hate being a "smart kid". I take the hard classes and screw up.
I'm an object, not a person.
This year meant nothing.
All men are created equal, but some are more equal than others.
I hate to ask for help, but I really need some.
You were my first choice; he was my second.
Jealousy is ruining our relationship.
I love my job.
I wish I was single.
I'm afraid.
I've gone too far to try to go back.
I'm too attached to let go.
I wish things would start to make sense.
The truth is ruining our relationship.
High school better not be the best years of my life.
Hearing you sing makes me happy. You sing beautifully. I wish you'd sing for me, just once.
You're a hypochondriac; calm down.
You should start doing what you say you'll do.. where do you think I learned it from?
Mass Communications degree = crummy office job.
Business degree = not my dream.
Things should be simpler.
I'm ruining our relationship.
.++.
"Will someone please call a surgeon who can crack my ribs and repair this broken heart that you're deserting for better company? I can't accept that it's over, and I will block the door like a goalie tending the net in the third quarter of a tied-game rivalry. So just say how to make it right, and I swear I'll do my best to comply. Tell me: am I right to think that there could be nothing better than making you my bride and slowly growing old together?"
"I feel must interject here; you're getting carried away feeling sorry for yourself with these revisions and gaps in history. So let me help you remember: I've made charts and graphs that should finally make it clear -- I've prepared a lecture on why I have to leave! -- so please back away and let me go."
"I can't, my darling, I love you so. Tell me: am I right to think that there could be nothing better than making you my bride and slowly growing old together?"
"Don't you feed me lines about some idealistic future; your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures."
"I admit that I have made mistakes, and I swear I'll never wrong you again."
"You've got a lure I can't deny, but you've had your chance so say goodbye, say goodbye."
The brain is the most powerful sex organ.
Sometimes, I wish you'd get over yourself and suck it up.
I understand you, completely. I just wish I could convey it platonically.
I wish you wouldn't have told me how you once felt about her.
Why do you really think I'm going to Frostburg?
There's no subtle way to tell you what I need to.
Pornography is ruining our relationship.
Your jokes aren't that funny.
I still miss you, sometimes. And I'd like to get to know her, on better terms.
I hate being a "smart kid". I take the hard classes and screw up.
I'm an object, not a person.
This year meant nothing.
All men are created equal, but some are more equal than others.
I hate to ask for help, but I really need some.
You were my first choice; he was my second.
Jealousy is ruining our relationship.
I love my job.
I wish I was single.
I'm afraid.
I've gone too far to try to go back.
I'm too attached to let go.
I wish things would start to make sense.
The truth is ruining our relationship.
High school better not be the best years of my life.
Hearing you sing makes me happy. You sing beautifully. I wish you'd sing for me, just once.
You're a hypochondriac; calm down.
You should start doing what you say you'll do.. where do you think I learned it from?
Mass Communications degree = crummy office job.
Business degree = not my dream.
Things should be simpler.
I'm ruining our relationship.
.++.
"Will someone please call a surgeon who can crack my ribs and repair this broken heart that you're deserting for better company? I can't accept that it's over, and I will block the door like a goalie tending the net in the third quarter of a tied-game rivalry. So just say how to make it right, and I swear I'll do my best to comply. Tell me: am I right to think that there could be nothing better than making you my bride and slowly growing old together?"
"I feel must interject here; you're getting carried away feeling sorry for yourself with these revisions and gaps in history. So let me help you remember: I've made charts and graphs that should finally make it clear -- I've prepared a lecture on why I have to leave! -- so please back away and let me go."
"I can't, my darling, I love you so. Tell me: am I right to think that there could be nothing better than making you my bride and slowly growing old together?"
"Don't you feed me lines about some idealistic future; your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures."
"I admit that I have made mistakes, and I swear I'll never wrong you again."
"You've got a lure I can't deny, but you've had your chance so say goodbye, say goodbye."
12.13.2007
These are a few of my favorite things..
I don't have a whole bunch of anything to say.. I'm just bored.
I just added some random guy to my Yahoo/AIM so he could send me an mp3 of one of the greatest SNL skits ever. He seems pretty nice, though. Not stalker-ish or anything. So that's a good thing.. lol.. speaking of Yahoo. I signed into it. And the display picture was of me and Josh. I was like.. eeeeek, I don't need to think about that.. lol
Matt apparently got my Christmas gift today. The fact that he says he "got" the gift means he paid for it.. I want him to return it.. lol.. I wish he'd save his money for Disney. (Speaking of which, he almost wasn't/isn't going.. it's a long story.. ask me and I'll explain it) But yeah. I got him a singing card.. on the front it says.. I only want (or need?) two things for Christmas.. and then you open it and it has a picture of mistletoe on it, and it says.. Mistletoe and you. I love you. And I thought that was absolutely adorable. So I'm going to write Matt a letter, and stick it inside of the card. And maybe make him something.. I haven't decided yet. I need to do something creative.. like.. eek! I've got it! But I'm not posting here, because I'm keeping it secret.. people have a tendency to slip about things like that. (: haha
IF YOU HAVE ANY PICTURES OF MATT AND I, PLEASE SEND THEM TO ME ASAP! Thanks!
All I want from Matt is the following.. (:
Hey girl I got somethin' real important to give you, so just sit down and listen. Girl you know we've been together such a long long time (such a long time), and now I'm ready to lay it on the line.. (Wooow) You know it's Christmas and my heart is open wide; gonna give you something so you know what's on my mind -- a gift real special, so take off the top, take a look inside -- it's my dick in a box! Not gonna get you a diamond ring -- that sort of gift don't mean anything -- not gonna get you a fancy car.. girl ya gotta know you're my shining star. Not gonna get you a house in the hills -- a girl like you needs somethin' real! Wanna get you somethin' from the heart, somethin' special girl.. It's my dick in a box, my dick in a box babe.. It's my dick in a box, my dick in a box girl! See I'm wise enough to know when a gift needs givin' (yeah), and I got just the one.. somethin' to show ya that you are second to none. To all the fellas out there with ladies to impress, it's easy to do! Just follow these steps:
1) Cut a hole in a box.
2) Put your junk in that box.
3) Make her open the box.
And that's the way you do it..
It's my dick in a box... my dick in a box babe.. It's my dick in a box, my dick in a box girl.. Christmas? Dick in a box! Hanukkah? Dick in a box! Kwanzaa? A dick in a box! Every single holiday? A dick in a box! Over at your parent's house? A dick in a box! Mid-day at the grocery store? A dick in a box! Backstage at the CMA's? A dick in a box! (yeah-wow-wow-wow-wow-wow).. A dick in a box...
Heh. (:
I just added some random guy to my Yahoo/AIM so he could send me an mp3 of one of the greatest SNL skits ever. He seems pretty nice, though. Not stalker-ish or anything. So that's a good thing.. lol.. speaking of Yahoo. I signed into it. And the display picture was of me and Josh. I was like.. eeeeek, I don't need to think about that.. lol
Matt apparently got my Christmas gift today. The fact that he says he "got" the gift means he paid for it.. I want him to return it.. lol.. I wish he'd save his money for Disney. (Speaking of which, he almost wasn't/isn't going.. it's a long story.. ask me and I'll explain it) But yeah. I got him a singing card.. on the front it says.. I only want (or need?) two things for Christmas.. and then you open it and it has a picture of mistletoe on it, and it says.. Mistletoe and you. I love you. And I thought that was absolutely adorable. So I'm going to write Matt a letter, and stick it inside of the card. And maybe make him something.. I haven't decided yet. I need to do something creative.. like.. eek! I've got it! But I'm not posting here, because I'm keeping it secret.. people have a tendency to slip about things like that. (: haha
IF YOU HAVE ANY PICTURES OF MATT AND I, PLEASE SEND THEM TO ME ASAP! Thanks!
All I want from Matt is the following.. (:
Hey girl I got somethin' real important to give you, so just sit down and listen. Girl you know we've been together such a long long time (such a long time), and now I'm ready to lay it on the line.. (Wooow) You know it's Christmas and my heart is open wide; gonna give you something so you know what's on my mind -- a gift real special, so take off the top, take a look inside -- it's my dick in a box! Not gonna get you a diamond ring -- that sort of gift don't mean anything -- not gonna get you a fancy car.. girl ya gotta know you're my shining star. Not gonna get you a house in the hills -- a girl like you needs somethin' real! Wanna get you somethin' from the heart, somethin' special girl.. It's my dick in a box, my dick in a box babe.. It's my dick in a box, my dick in a box girl! See I'm wise enough to know when a gift needs givin' (yeah), and I got just the one.. somethin' to show ya that you are second to none. To all the fellas out there with ladies to impress, it's easy to do! Just follow these steps:
1) Cut a hole in a box.
2) Put your junk in that box.
3) Make her open the box.
And that's the way you do it..
It's my dick in a box... my dick in a box babe.. It's my dick in a box, my dick in a box girl.. Christmas? Dick in a box! Hanukkah? Dick in a box! Kwanzaa? A dick in a box! Every single holiday? A dick in a box! Over at your parent's house? A dick in a box! Mid-day at the grocery store? A dick in a box! Backstage at the CMA's? A dick in a box! (yeah-wow-wow-wow-wow-wow).. A dick in a box...
Heh. (:
12.09.2007
I'm tired.
Very tired, as a matter of fact.
I work tonight.. 5:30 till 10:00. Shouldn't be too bad of a shift, save for quarter after nine on. It gets pretty dead and empty after nine. But that's alright, because I'll probably bring a book to read if they'll let me. I bought three books yesterday: "Paradise Lost" by John Milton; "Animal Farm" by George Orwell (I've read it before and I love it); and "1984" by George Orwell (I haven't been able to put it down!). It is quickly becoming one of my favorites.
I finished my paper for English 101.. thank God. So now I have my plate clear of projects except for my Renaissance Project due for British Literature. Here's what I'm picking to do, because it sounds fun and challenging.
"Be Dramatic. Design a contemporary production of "Macbeth" set in an anachronistic time period (current times, American West, World War II, Gangland, etc.). This will include: a short (one-page) proposal describing your reasoning behind your choice of time period and how it will both affect the play and hot it will reflect Shakespeare's themes, and a short description of the set and costumes involved and how the choice of time period will enhance audience interest in the play; a thumbnail sketch of the proposed set with notes on how it will reflect the settings of the play; costume sketches of Macbeth, Lady Macbeth, Macduff, and Old Siward; and a production poster for the production."
I have a feeling that not many people will do it, because it's a lot of work. The rest of them are analyzing or writing a sonnet. Neither of those choices sound appealing to me. So I'm going to get a head start thanks to my superb non-procrastinating skills and a little help from No Fear Shakespeare. (:
Matt and I are better. I think a week apart to let me focus on school helped me bunches. I really enjoyed my time with him yesterday.. it was just fun. No pressure to make out or just sit and talk or whatever. It was just.. me and him at the video store.. me and him at his house watching Forrest Gump. And then Megan, Arik, Ben, Patrick, and Jordan making my life ten times more amazing. Jenna and.. who else?.. someone else.. showed up at Matt's a little later. But I love being around the boys. When those three are together, with Matt, they are freakin' hilarious! And I love being in on the joke-telling. It makes me feel like less of a loser than I actually am. (: haha.. jokes about Ben being Asian, and Patrick and his Jewish-ism (and alcoholic-ism), and Jordan and myself being the not-drivers at the party, and how I'm anorexic, and how Matt was using all of his birthday money for a Wii and skipping out on Disney.. it was fun. I love those kids.
What else.. umm.. I turned in my Fine Arts paperwork, finally. I think I'm going to do three categories: puppets, human video, and instrumental ensemble with Chris, Staci, and some other people. That should be a bucket of fun.
I'm excited for FSU. End of story.
I really don't have much else to say, in all honesty. I really love my boyfriend. I want to marry him. Even though I have these crazy thoughts of us not being together and wanting to break up.. I love him dearly, and I always will (I hope). (:
I work tonight.. 5:30 till 10:00. Shouldn't be too bad of a shift, save for quarter after nine on. It gets pretty dead and empty after nine. But that's alright, because I'll probably bring a book to read if they'll let me. I bought three books yesterday: "Paradise Lost" by John Milton; "Animal Farm" by George Orwell (I've read it before and I love it); and "1984" by George Orwell (I haven't been able to put it down!). It is quickly becoming one of my favorites.
I finished my paper for English 101.. thank God. So now I have my plate clear of projects except for my Renaissance Project due for British Literature. Here's what I'm picking to do, because it sounds fun and challenging.
"Be Dramatic. Design a contemporary production of "Macbeth" set in an anachronistic time period (current times, American West, World War II, Gangland, etc.). This will include: a short (one-page) proposal describing your reasoning behind your choice of time period and how it will both affect the play and hot it will reflect Shakespeare's themes, and a short description of the set and costumes involved and how the choice of time period will enhance audience interest in the play; a thumbnail sketch of the proposed set with notes on how it will reflect the settings of the play; costume sketches of Macbeth, Lady Macbeth, Macduff, and Old Siward; and a production poster for the production."
I have a feeling that not many people will do it, because it's a lot of work. The rest of them are analyzing or writing a sonnet. Neither of those choices sound appealing to me. So I'm going to get a head start thanks to my superb non-procrastinating skills and a little help from No Fear Shakespeare. (:
Matt and I are better. I think a week apart to let me focus on school helped me bunches. I really enjoyed my time with him yesterday.. it was just fun. No pressure to make out or just sit and talk or whatever. It was just.. me and him at the video store.. me and him at his house watching Forrest Gump. And then Megan, Arik, Ben, Patrick, and Jordan making my life ten times more amazing. Jenna and.. who else?.. someone else.. showed up at Matt's a little later. But I love being around the boys. When those three are together, with Matt, they are freakin' hilarious! And I love being in on the joke-telling. It makes me feel like less of a loser than I actually am. (: haha.. jokes about Ben being Asian, and Patrick and his Jewish-ism (and alcoholic-ism), and Jordan and myself being the not-drivers at the party, and how I'm anorexic, and how Matt was using all of his birthday money for a Wii and skipping out on Disney.. it was fun. I love those kids.
What else.. umm.. I turned in my Fine Arts paperwork, finally. I think I'm going to do three categories: puppets, human video, and instrumental ensemble with Chris, Staci, and some other people. That should be a bucket of fun.
I'm excited for FSU. End of story.
I really don't have much else to say, in all honesty. I really love my boyfriend. I want to marry him. Even though I have these crazy thoughts of us not being together and wanting to break up.. I love him dearly, and I always will (I hope). (:
12.06.2007
So when you ask, "Is something wrong?"
I think, "You're damn right, there is, but we can't talk about it now.."
So.. the past two days have been interesting. I swear.. I go to Frostburg to visit and I bring all the snow back to LaVale. We had normal classes on Monday and Tuesday.. and then Wednesday and today have been snow days. Oh, what glorious days they've been (not really). Yesterday was just plain boring.. today, I've slept half of the day because I feel utterly and ridiculously sick on my stomach. Well, felt. I'm better now. I woke up today at probably 9:00 or 9:30, and I came downstairs and got some O.J. to take a Tylenol with. Then I got the turkey sandwich out of my lunch box and ate about half of it before I started feeling really sick on my stomach. I did the dishes and switched the laundry over like Mom asked me, and then I went upstairs and laid down. And right before I went to sleep, my boyfriend called me.. which made it both better and worse. It made it better because, well, it's my boyfriend. But it made it worse because I miss him, and he told me he was going up to the mall. I'm trapped here once again. So I kind of felt crummier after that conversation. (At least I'll see him on Saturday!) So I slept from about 11:20 until 1:45. And I feel a lot better now. My headache has lightened up quite a bit (it's still there) and my stomach is calm now. So I think I might go take a Tylenol Sinus because the headache is from the weather, I think. And then I'm going to start on my English 101 paper.
You know.. a lot of people who know me don't think I'll do okay as far as getting stuff done in time in college, because I tend to forget to turn assignments in.. but I look at it this way. I'll be paying for college by keeping a good GPA and being of good moral standing. That's enough to keep me away from the alcohol and focused on my grades.. I need to keep getting those scholarships so I can pay for my education. I think having Matt on campus will be a distraction, but not as big of a distraction as I would've had down in Athens. At least at FSU, if I start missing Matt, I can just stop by and say hello. In Athens.. I'd have to make a four + hour trip home. I'd be so homesick and depressed if I was there. I mean.. Concord is a great school.. but I don't think it's a great school for me. A lot of people think that I'm staying home because my boyfriend is going to Frostburg.. but he knows and my mom and grandma know that I had been in love with FSU before he had even mentioned it. Frostburg is close to home, but not too close.. I like that a lot. I can get away from my family if I need to, but I'm not so far away that if I miss them, I can't go back to visit. And Josh, Eesh, Nate, Matt, Mark.. bunches of people I know already go there. And the ones I don't know that go there, I'll become friends with before my four years is over with. I'm much more confident meeting people who are from around here, rather than people from the Deep South of West Virginia. (For those of you I haven't told yet, I'm almost 100% sure that I'm staying here and going to FSU. Far away just isn't right for me.)
My problem is that sometimes, I honestly question why I'm still in a relationship. It doesn't feel like it used to. Up until the past few months, I have always felt 100% head over heels in love with this boy. Now.. I go back and forth from not wanting to be around him, to feeling bad for feeling that way, to being completely in love, to just being back to 'liking' him. I don't know what's going on.. I don't know what would've given me a change of heart. In all honesty, I think I know what it is, and if I'm right, then the next year is going to be horrible. I think it's because I'm so stressed out over school and whatnot. When I'm with him, most of what I'm thinking about is the homework I haven't finished yet, or that test we're going to have, or the problems that my friends are having, or what I'm going to do about college, or how I'm going to have enough money, or.. that dreaded F word.. finals. And he doesn't have to worry about all of this stuff. I'm so jealous of my boyfriend that I almost hate to be around him anymore. It's getting ridiculous. I just don't know what to do to make myself feel right with him again. He doesn't understand everything that I'm going through right now.. because he doesn't have to take finals, he has easy classes (at least they're easy to him) with minimal work, he leaves school early every day, the only extra stuff he's involved in is bowling league and work (and I love him being on the bowling league, don't get me wrong), he gets class trips and his senior trip, his college tuition is paid for.. he's not stressed out about getting scholarship money so he doesn't go into debt. I have more finals than half of the seniors in my class because I'm in two college classes -- thankfully, the Psych 101 final is open book -- and my classes aren't exactly easy, I have so many projects right now there is schoolwork running out my ears, I have a full day of school everyday with no time for napping, I'm involved in concert band, community band, jazz band, and SMILE Team, plus Martin's, we've had one class trip to Medieval Times (he gets to go to D.C.!) and that'll be all we get, we don't get a senior trip, and I have to apply and pray to God that I get every scholarship, because every one I don't get is that much more money out of my pocket. He only has to worry about his living arrangements.. I have to worry about tuition, and my living arrangements. Ugh.
If I play my cards right, I'll stay on campus for my first year, and then I'll become an RA in one of the dorms, and have my room and board paid for. I think you only have to have something like a 2.5 GPA and be in good moral standing. I could probably handle that. (: I just have to make sure that I don't let Matt distract me at all, and I'll be good.
Anyway.. I think I'm doing rambling. I'm going to try to get my English 101 paper finished so I can start on my British Literature project. And my senior project. Projects, projects, projects.. hasn't anyone heard of giving a kid a break? (:
♥
So.. the past two days have been interesting. I swear.. I go to Frostburg to visit and I bring all the snow back to LaVale. We had normal classes on Monday and Tuesday.. and then Wednesday and today have been snow days. Oh, what glorious days they've been (not really). Yesterday was just plain boring.. today, I've slept half of the day because I feel utterly and ridiculously sick on my stomach. Well, felt. I'm better now. I woke up today at probably 9:00 or 9:30, and I came downstairs and got some O.J. to take a Tylenol with. Then I got the turkey sandwich out of my lunch box and ate about half of it before I started feeling really sick on my stomach. I did the dishes and switched the laundry over like Mom asked me, and then I went upstairs and laid down. And right before I went to sleep, my boyfriend called me.. which made it both better and worse. It made it better because, well, it's my boyfriend. But it made it worse because I miss him, and he told me he was going up to the mall. I'm trapped here once again. So I kind of felt crummier after that conversation. (At least I'll see him on Saturday!) So I slept from about 11:20 until 1:45. And I feel a lot better now. My headache has lightened up quite a bit (it's still there) and my stomach is calm now. So I think I might go take a Tylenol Sinus because the headache is from the weather, I think. And then I'm going to start on my English 101 paper.
You know.. a lot of people who know me don't think I'll do okay as far as getting stuff done in time in college, because I tend to forget to turn assignments in.. but I look at it this way. I'll be paying for college by keeping a good GPA and being of good moral standing. That's enough to keep me away from the alcohol and focused on my grades.. I need to keep getting those scholarships so I can pay for my education. I think having Matt on campus will be a distraction, but not as big of a distraction as I would've had down in Athens. At least at FSU, if I start missing Matt, I can just stop by and say hello. In Athens.. I'd have to make a four + hour trip home. I'd be so homesick and depressed if I was there. I mean.. Concord is a great school.. but I don't think it's a great school for me. A lot of people think that I'm staying home because my boyfriend is going to Frostburg.. but he knows and my mom and grandma know that I had been in love with FSU before he had even mentioned it. Frostburg is close to home, but not too close.. I like that a lot. I can get away from my family if I need to, but I'm not so far away that if I miss them, I can't go back to visit. And Josh, Eesh, Nate, Matt, Mark.. bunches of people I know already go there. And the ones I don't know that go there, I'll become friends with before my four years is over with. I'm much more confident meeting people who are from around here, rather than people from the Deep South of West Virginia. (For those of you I haven't told yet, I'm almost 100% sure that I'm staying here and going to FSU. Far away just isn't right for me.)
My problem is that sometimes, I honestly question why I'm still in a relationship. It doesn't feel like it used to. Up until the past few months, I have always felt 100% head over heels in love with this boy. Now.. I go back and forth from not wanting to be around him, to feeling bad for feeling that way, to being completely in love, to just being back to 'liking' him. I don't know what's going on.. I don't know what would've given me a change of heart. In all honesty, I think I know what it is, and if I'm right, then the next year is going to be horrible. I think it's because I'm so stressed out over school and whatnot. When I'm with him, most of what I'm thinking about is the homework I haven't finished yet, or that test we're going to have, or the problems that my friends are having, or what I'm going to do about college, or how I'm going to have enough money, or.. that dreaded F word.. finals. And he doesn't have to worry about all of this stuff. I'm so jealous of my boyfriend that I almost hate to be around him anymore. It's getting ridiculous. I just don't know what to do to make myself feel right with him again. He doesn't understand everything that I'm going through right now.. because he doesn't have to take finals, he has easy classes (at least they're easy to him) with minimal work, he leaves school early every day, the only extra stuff he's involved in is bowling league and work (and I love him being on the bowling league, don't get me wrong), he gets class trips and his senior trip, his college tuition is paid for.. he's not stressed out about getting scholarship money so he doesn't go into debt. I have more finals than half of the seniors in my class because I'm in two college classes -- thankfully, the Psych 101 final is open book -- and my classes aren't exactly easy, I have so many projects right now there is schoolwork running out my ears, I have a full day of school everyday with no time for napping, I'm involved in concert band, community band, jazz band, and SMILE Team, plus Martin's, we've had one class trip to Medieval Times (he gets to go to D.C.!) and that'll be all we get, we don't get a senior trip, and I have to apply and pray to God that I get every scholarship, because every one I don't get is that much more money out of my pocket. He only has to worry about his living arrangements.. I have to worry about tuition, and my living arrangements. Ugh.
If I play my cards right, I'll stay on campus for my first year, and then I'll become an RA in one of the dorms, and have my room and board paid for. I think you only have to have something like a 2.5 GPA and be in good moral standing. I could probably handle that. (: I just have to make sure that I don't let Matt distract me at all, and I'll be good.
Anyway.. I think I'm doing rambling. I'm going to try to get my English 101 paper finished so I can start on my British Literature project. And my senior project. Projects, projects, projects.. hasn't anyone heard of giving a kid a break? (:
♥
12.05.2007
A short description of my day off.
I woke up at about 6:30 am to my mother calling to tell me we had a two-hour delay. That would've made me happy. But then, at.. ehh.. 7:45 am, Megan texts me to let me know there's no school. Great. Dad calls a few minutes after that to wake me up and keep me awake and all. I came downstairs, double-checked everything.. and started applying for scholarships. And pretty much since then, that's all I've been doing. I haven't actually applied for any, actually.. I've just sorted through ones that I've come across on my search engine thing. But it's been ridiculously boring. I've talked to Matt for about ten minutes so far.. I miss him a lot. I was really hoping to make it out to church tonight so that I could see him. He was going to go if I was going.. he was going to risk the not-so-great roads.. but since I told him I couldn't go, he said he probably wouldn't go, either. I played one wicked game of Tetris earlier.. I was on like.. level ten or something. It was nuts. I shoveled the sidewalk so when Mom gets home, she doesn't fall and hurt herself. Dad's on his own, because I didn't get a chance to do the back sidewalk. Speaking of Mom.. she should've been home about thirty minutes ago.. but she keeps getting stuck in traffic. She said she might stop at Fox's for food.. that would make me might happy.
It's really annoying when you've been looking forward to seeing your boyfriend for the past two or three days, and then when that day rolls around, you're stuck at home. I really miss Matt, bunches and bunches.
It's really annoying when you've been looking forward to seeing your boyfriend for the past two or three days, and then when that day rolls around, you're stuck at home. I really miss Matt, bunches and bunches.
Snow.
Because of an inch or so of snow, we're now off school. Great, right? No.. not really. Mainly because it's going to keep going all day, and today's Wednesday.. Fine Arts forms are due today.. and if I can't get in to church because I have no ride because my roads are too crappy for anyone to get down here.. I'm going to be royally ticked. (Not only that, but it's Matt's birthday today. And not only that, but I actually get to spend time with him and Megan and Arik.. maybe more than was originally planned.. which would be amazing.)
I hate snow days.
"We Looked Like Giants" by Death Cab For Cutie
God bless the daylight, the sugary smell of springtime, remembering when you were mine in a still suburban town.
When every Thursday I'd brave those mountain passes and you'd skip your early classes, and we'd learn how our bodies worked.
God damn the black night, with all its foul temptations. I've become what I always hated, when I was with you then.
We looked like giants in the back of my grey subcompact, fumbling to make contact as the others slept inside.
And together there, in a shroud of frost, the mountain air began to pass through every pane of weathered glass. And I held you closer than anyone would ever get.
Do you remember the JAMC? And reading aloud from magazines? I don't know about you, but I swear on my name they could smell it on me. (I've never been too good with secrets, no...)
And together there, in a shroud of frost, and mountain air began to pass through every pane of weathered glass. And I held you closer...
I hate snow days.
"We Looked Like Giants" by Death Cab For Cutie
God bless the daylight, the sugary smell of springtime, remembering when you were mine in a still suburban town.
When every Thursday I'd brave those mountain passes and you'd skip your early classes, and we'd learn how our bodies worked.
God damn the black night, with all its foul temptations. I've become what I always hated, when I was with you then.
We looked like giants in the back of my grey subcompact, fumbling to make contact as the others slept inside.
And together there, in a shroud of frost, the mountain air began to pass through every pane of weathered glass. And I held you closer than anyone would ever get.
Do you remember the JAMC? And reading aloud from magazines? I don't know about you, but I swear on my name they could smell it on me. (I've never been too good with secrets, no...)
And together there, in a shroud of frost, and mountain air began to pass through every pane of weathered glass. And I held you closer...
12.04.2007
Happiness..
An updated happiness list.
Happiness is...
A take home test.
A warm cup of coffee in the morning.
A text message.
A welcoming hug.
Chocolate milk.
Serendipity.
McDonald's.
A "one thing led to another" experience.
Regret.
Community service.
No [more] drama.
The Frankfort High School Drumline.
God.
Post Secret.
Autumn leaves.
Childhood innocence.
Saying no.
Addictions put in the past.
Relief.
New music.
Old music.
Just plain music.
Cuddling.
Family.
Future additions to families.
Birthdays.
Staying out on a football field in the middle of November to raise homeless awareness.
[Falling in] Love.
A good novel.
Eating just a little too much...
... and not feeling guilty about it.
Introversion.
Show tunes.
Concord University. Frostburg State University.
Flaws, imperfections, and mistakes.
Living.
Candy hearts.
America.
Matt.
Penguins, ducks, or any other cute animal.
(But especially penguins and ducks).
The first snow of a winter.
Jazz band.
Apologizing.
Unanswered prayers.
Answered prayers.
The Sinner's Prayer.
Just plain prayers.
Genuinity.
Made up words.
Rain.
Being alone.
Having someone there for me.
Tiny vessels...
The future.
The past.
The present.
Holding on.
Letting go.
Eyes that linger for a moment too long.
College tours.
Death Cab For Cutie.
Martin's.
Hot chocolate.
Possible [guaranteed] scholarship money.
Winter.
Spring.
Summer.
Fall.
Growing up too fast.
Not growing up fast enough.
Oxymorons.
Paradoxes.
Boxes, inside of boxes, inside of boxes...
Senior favorites.
Relationships.
Being single.
Simplicity.
Complications.
Living...
... not just being alive.
Jazz music.
Polite people.
British spellings.
Sybil.
Being held...
... and never being let go.
Happiness is...
A take home test.
A warm cup of coffee in the morning.
A text message.
A welcoming hug.
Chocolate milk.
Serendipity.
McDonald's.
A "one thing led to another" experience.
Regret.
Community service.
No [more] drama.
The Frankfort High School Drumline.
God.
Post Secret.
Autumn leaves.
Childhood innocence.
Saying no.
Addictions put in the past.
Relief.
New music.
Old music.
Just plain music.
Cuddling.
Family.
Future additions to families.
Birthdays.
Staying out on a football field in the middle of November to raise homeless awareness.
[Falling in] Love.
A good novel.
Eating just a little too much...
... and not feeling guilty about it.
Introversion.
Show tunes.
Flaws, imperfections, and mistakes.
Living.
Candy hearts.
America.
Matt.
Penguins, ducks, or any other cute animal.
(But especially penguins and ducks).
The first snow of a winter.
Jazz band.
Apologizing.
Unanswered prayers.
Answered prayers.
The Sinner's Prayer.
Just plain prayers.
Genuinity.
Made up words.
Rain.
Being alone.
Having someone there for me.
Tiny vessels...
The future.
The past.
The present.
Holding on.
Letting go.
Eyes that linger for a moment too long.
College tours.
Death Cab For Cutie.
Martin's.
Hot chocolate.
Possible [guaranteed] scholarship money.
Winter.
Spring.
Summer.
Fall.
Growing up too fast.
Not growing up fast enough.
Oxymorons.
Paradoxes.
Boxes, inside of boxes, inside of boxes...
Senior favorites.
Relationships.
Being single.
Simplicity.
Complications.
Living...
... not just being alive.
Jazz music.
Polite people.
British spellings.
Sybil.
Being held...
... and never being let go.
11.30.2007
She is beautiful, but she don't mean a thing to me..
The past month of my life has come down to the following story:
"Something" happened between Melissa and Josh. Madison and I, among others, are tired of seeing her hurt again and again, because we care about her. Madison was frustrated one day and went into second block ranting about it. Megan asked Melissa about it, and Melissa told Nicole. So Nicole went over to Madison's table and pretty much chewed her out. Madison then came over to our table and, in a raised voice, told Melissa exactly why she was so frustrated. I chimed in with, "I agree with everything she just said." And so the drama begins to unfold... Nicole hated myself and Madison from that point onward. Madison and Melissa got into a huge argument the next day, and I thought that we were all cool. Nicole, however, had other feelings. Fast-forward to this past Monday. Madison and McMegan were in the seat behind me, and myself and Nadine were in front of them, on the bus ride to Morgantown. So we were talking and I said, "I wouldn't consider you a whore, because a whore's someone who brags about having sex. I'd consider so-and-so one, but not you." We also spoke about somebody (not Melissa!) having sex with Josh. So, somehow it got back to Melissa that we called her a whore and said she was sleeping around with Josh. Nicole flipped out on McMegan two days ago, before she even had our side of the story, and pretty much threatened her. Melissa will not come to us with our side of the story, because (according to her) I'm a liar and I wouldn't tell her the truth anyway.
So now there's a huge schism in the senior class between McMegan/Madison/myself/all of our friends, and Nicole/Nadine/Melissa/Lindsey/all of their friends. And nobody can just drop it. I've dropped it; I don't care. I've lost friends in the past and I can handle losing them again. That's no big deal to me. But the fact that certain people keep bringing it up and causing a big ruckus over it is just plain annoying. And she still sits at our lunch table.. our lunch table. If she doesn't want to be around me, then she's the one that should move. It's quite awkward right now, because she sits one person over and on the other side of the table, so we're quite near each other, and we don't actually speak to each other the whole time. I thought we were cool, but apparently one of the things she said the other day was, "Just remember: Megan was my best friend, too." So the word "was" leads me to believe that we are no longer on speaking terms. Not that it matters, anyway, because "I'd just lie to her" anyway.
In addition to that, I've been pretty stressed out about my classes. Mr. Gillis' class has been rough. Don't get me wrong -- it's an easy class -- but there is way too much work involved for a non-honors class. It should at least be weighted or something. The amount of projects and papers and outside reading and whatnot is ridiculous. English 101 is alright.. I'm not the greatest at writing papers, and there aren't many other grades, so I'm having kind of a tough time. But I think I'll be okay. Psychology 101 is a joke anymore. I mean, I like the class.. we watch movies dealing with psychology, and then we discuss them.. which will teach me more than a book ever could.. but it doesn't seem like a college class. Except for this wicked-difficult presentation I'm trying to get ready for next Tuesday. Our row got the sign-up sheet for presentation dates last, so we got stuck with the first two days.. or in my case, the first day. I think I'm even the first person on the first day. Oh joy! That project has me wicked-stressed right now. College Prep Math really isn't so bad.. I just got a 108% on one of my tests and I ran through the house, proclaiming the wonderfulness of Mrs. Cosner. I love that crazy little woman. (: AP Government is.. okay. It's worse than a college class, that's for sure. Mr. Cowgill is one of my favorite teachers, though, so it's all good. And band is band.. except that almost every person involved in the aforementioned fight is in the band. So it gets pretty awkward. I have to remember who's friends with who.
And aside from that.. I have college to worry about; more specifically, college funding. I'm torn between Concord and FSU. I'd like to stay at FSU, not just because of Matt, but that's a part in it, of course. It's also because I want to stay close to my family -- particularly my grandmother -- and the people and places I'm familiar with. I don't like change and I don't like being thrust into new situations with new people. I don't want to go to Potomac State/WVU because everybody goes there and I feel like I'd be settling for second-best. Unfortunately, that's how Dad feels about Frostburg. Nobody believes me when I say that I love it up there. Not on campus, per se, but I love being in Frostburg in general. The view up there is spectacular.
And in addition to all of this.. I have an SAT tomorrow morning, a Frostburg visit for half of the day on Monday (thus missing class time and schoolwork), a Christmas concert December 4, my report card on December 4, I leave for Athens, WV, on Thursday evening, and I have my Concord University tour Friday morning/afternoon. I get home Friday evening, and then Saturday afternoon I have Christmas-y gig number two. After I get done at that gig, I have Matt's birthday party to go to. I'd love to skip out on it, in all honesty, because after this next week, I'm going to want a break. If it was just he and I, it wouldn't be such a big deal.. but the last thing I want to do after this much stress is be at a party. Weird, I know. Heck, I might not even be allowed to go if I stay grounded.. I haven't figured that out yet.
Matt and I are on pretty okay terms. Not spectacular.. not even great.. but good enough. I'm starting to feel like our physical relationship is bypassing our emotional relationship, which I know isn't completely true.. but we haven't done a very good job of controlling our whore-mones in the past month or two. I don't feel like I have enough time or energy to devote to this relationship, and the time I do have to devote.. we don't sit and talk like I wish we would. I'm starting to consider 'taking a break' for about.. oh.. four years? I'm finding it hard to step outside of myself and think about what I should do in situations, because I'm so worried of how they'll affect our relationship. College, for example. I can't even tell whether I want to go to FSU because I actually like it, or because Matt's going there. I start to wonder.. if Matt wasn't going there, would I still want to go? The answer should be yes, but I really don't know what I'd say. I feel like I'm a little too giving and he's a little too taking sometimes.. he has a selfish streak. It's not very bad, but it's noticeable.. and it's not in everything, either. He's more than willing to come pick me up from wherever, and stuff like that. But he takes advantage of the fact that my parents will buy him dinner when we go out... I mean, he didn't even get me a birthday card until I said something to him about it. No gift was fine, because I told him not to get me a gift, but not card is a bit ridiculous. I'm not sure anymore.. it all seems so perfect.. and I can tell you it's about to fall apart. I just don't see how sticking around for the next however many months or years will be worth it in the end.
Death Cab For Cutie has stolen my heart.. once again..
"Tiny Vessels"
This is the moment that you know that you told her that you loved her but you don't. You touch her skin and then you think that she is beautiful, but she don't mean a thing to me. Yeah, she is beautiful, but she don't mean a thing to me.
I spent two weeks in Silver Lake, the California sun cascading down my face. There was a girl with light brown streaks, and she was beautiful, but she didn't mean a thing to me. Yeah, she was beautiful, but she didn't mean a thing to me.
I wanted to believe in all the words that I was speaking as we moved together in the dark, and all the friends that I was telling, all the playful misspellings, and every bite I gave you left a mark.
Tiny vessels oozed into your neck and formed the bruises that you said you didn't want to fade, but they did, and so did I that day..
All I see are dark grey clouds in the distance, moving closer with every hour. So when you ask "Is something wrong?" I think "You're damn right there is, but we can't talk about it now. No, we can't talk about it now."
So one last touch and then you'll go, and we'll pretend that it meant something so much more. But it was vile, and it was cheap, and you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me. Yeah, you are beautiful, but you don't mean a thing to me.
"Something" happened between Melissa and Josh. Madison and I, among others, are tired of seeing her hurt again and again, because we care about her. Madison was frustrated one day and went into second block ranting about it. Megan asked Melissa about it, and Melissa told Nicole. So Nicole went over to Madison's table and pretty much chewed her out. Madison then came over to our table and, in a raised voice, told Melissa exactly why she was so frustrated. I chimed in with, "I agree with everything she just said." And so the drama begins to unfold... Nicole hated myself and Madison from that point onward. Madison and Melissa got into a huge argument the next day, and I thought that we were all cool. Nicole, however, had other feelings. Fast-forward to this past Monday. Madison and McMegan were in the seat behind me, and myself and Nadine were in front of them, on the bus ride to Morgantown. So we were talking and I said, "I wouldn't consider you a whore, because a whore's someone who brags about having sex. I'd consider so-and-so one, but not you." We also spoke about somebody (not Melissa!) having sex with Josh. So, somehow it got back to Melissa that we called her a whore and said she was sleeping around with Josh. Nicole flipped out on McMegan two days ago, before she even had our side of the story, and pretty much threatened her. Melissa will not come to us with our side of the story, because (according to her) I'm a liar and I wouldn't tell her the truth anyway.
So now there's a huge schism in the senior class between McMegan/Madison/myself/all of our friends, and Nicole/Nadine/Melissa/Lindsey/all of their friends. And nobody can just drop it. I've dropped it; I don't care. I've lost friends in the past and I can handle losing them again. That's no big deal to me. But the fact that certain people keep bringing it up and causing a big ruckus over it is just plain annoying. And she still sits at our lunch table.. our lunch table. If she doesn't want to be around me, then she's the one that should move. It's quite awkward right now, because she sits one person over and on the other side of the table, so we're quite near each other, and we don't actually speak to each other the whole time. I thought we were cool, but apparently one of the things she said the other day was, "Just remember: Megan was my best friend, too." So the word "was" leads me to believe that we are no longer on speaking terms. Not that it matters, anyway, because "I'd just lie to her" anyway.
In addition to that, I've been pretty stressed out about my classes. Mr. Gillis' class has been rough. Don't get me wrong -- it's an easy class -- but there is way too much work involved for a non-honors class. It should at least be weighted or something. The amount of projects and papers and outside reading and whatnot is ridiculous. English 101 is alright.. I'm not the greatest at writing papers, and there aren't many other grades, so I'm having kind of a tough time. But I think I'll be okay. Psychology 101 is a joke anymore. I mean, I like the class.. we watch movies dealing with psychology, and then we discuss them.. which will teach me more than a book ever could.. but it doesn't seem like a college class. Except for this wicked-difficult presentation I'm trying to get ready for next Tuesday. Our row got the sign-up sheet for presentation dates last, so we got stuck with the first two days.. or in my case, the first day. I think I'm even the first person on the first day. Oh joy! That project has me wicked-stressed right now. College Prep Math really isn't so bad.. I just got a 108% on one of my tests and I ran through the house, proclaiming the wonderfulness of Mrs. Cosner. I love that crazy little woman. (: AP Government is.. okay. It's worse than a college class, that's for sure. Mr. Cowgill is one of my favorite teachers, though, so it's all good. And band is band.. except that almost every person involved in the aforementioned fight is in the band. So it gets pretty awkward. I have to remember who's friends with who.
And aside from that.. I have college to worry about; more specifically, college funding. I'm torn between Concord and FSU. I'd like to stay at FSU, not just because of Matt, but that's a part in it, of course. It's also because I want to stay close to my family -- particularly my grandmother -- and the people and places I'm familiar with. I don't like change and I don't like being thrust into new situations with new people. I don't want to go to Potomac State/WVU because everybody goes there and I feel like I'd be settling for second-best. Unfortunately, that's how Dad feels about Frostburg. Nobody believes me when I say that I love it up there. Not on campus, per se, but I love being in Frostburg in general. The view up there is spectacular.
And in addition to all of this.. I have an SAT tomorrow morning, a Frostburg visit for half of the day on Monday (thus missing class time and schoolwork), a Christmas concert December 4, my report card on December 4, I leave for Athens, WV, on Thursday evening, and I have my Concord University tour Friday morning/afternoon. I get home Friday evening, and then Saturday afternoon I have Christmas-y gig number two. After I get done at that gig, I have Matt's birthday party to go to. I'd love to skip out on it, in all honesty, because after this next week, I'm going to want a break. If it was just he and I, it wouldn't be such a big deal.. but the last thing I want to do after this much stress is be at a party. Weird, I know. Heck, I might not even be allowed to go if I stay grounded.. I haven't figured that out yet.
Matt and I are on pretty okay terms. Not spectacular.. not even great.. but good enough. I'm starting to feel like our physical relationship is bypassing our emotional relationship, which I know isn't completely true.. but we haven't done a very good job of controlling our whore-mones in the past month or two. I don't feel like I have enough time or energy to devote to this relationship, and the time I do have to devote.. we don't sit and talk like I wish we would. I'm starting to consider 'taking a break' for about.. oh.. four years? I'm finding it hard to step outside of myself and think about what I should do in situations, because I'm so worried of how they'll affect our relationship. College, for example. I can't even tell whether I want to go to FSU because I actually like it, or because Matt's going there. I start to wonder.. if Matt wasn't going there, would I still want to go? The answer should be yes, but I really don't know what I'd say. I feel like I'm a little too giving and he's a little too taking sometimes.. he has a selfish streak. It's not very bad, but it's noticeable.. and it's not in everything, either. He's more than willing to come pick me up from wherever, and stuff like that. But he takes advantage of the fact that my parents will buy him dinner when we go out... I mean, he didn't even get me a birthday card until I said something to him about it. No gift was fine, because I told him not to get me a gift, but not card is a bit ridiculous. I'm not sure anymore.. it all seems so perfect.. and I can tell you it's about to fall apart. I just don't see how sticking around for the next however many months or years will be worth it in the end.
Death Cab For Cutie has stolen my heart.. once again..
"Tiny Vessels"
This is the moment that you know that you told her that you loved her but you don't. You touch her skin and then you think that she is beautiful, but she don't mean a thing to me. Yeah, she is beautiful, but she don't mean a thing to me.
I spent two weeks in Silver Lake, the California sun cascading down my face. There was a girl with light brown streaks, and she was beautiful, but she didn't mean a thing to me. Yeah, she was beautiful, but she didn't mean a thing to me.
I wanted to believe in all the words that I was speaking as we moved together in the dark, and all the friends that I was telling, all the playful misspellings, and every bite I gave you left a mark.
Tiny vessels oozed into your neck and formed the bruises that you said you didn't want to fade, but they did, and so did I that day..
All I see are dark grey clouds in the distance, moving closer with every hour. So when you ask "Is something wrong?" I think "You're damn right there is, but we can't talk about it now. No, we can't talk about it now."
So one last touch and then you'll go, and we'll pretend that it meant something so much more. But it was vile, and it was cheap, and you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me. Yeah, you are beautiful, but you don't mean a thing to me.
11.29.2007
Innocence.
I was looking through my computer and I found a few really old pictures.. and I realized something. I realized how much I miss my childhood. How much I miss my innocence. How much I miss not knowing the "pleasures" of the world. How much I miss sticking to my standards. How much I miss not feeling guilty. How much I miss not being involved in some sort of disagreement every day of my life. How I miss being stress-free.. carefree. How I miss the simplicity that used to exist between us. How I miss my old friends that I've since lost contact with.
It's also led me to realize other things, like...
I don't miss being that young and naive. I don't miss being called "sheltered". I don't miss not being experienced. I don't miss being a prude. I don't miss being single. I don't miss being bored with life. I don't miss underachieving. I don't miss not knowing the truth. I don't miss the old childhood drama.
I was generally venting to Matt on the phone tonight because.. well.. he's the only person I have to vent to about certain things. And honestly.. I think he "had to go" because he was tired of hearing me complain. It kind of made me feel like crap. I'm stressed out because of school.. and on top of that, the situation that keeps gaining momentum and causing way too many problems. I don't know what my grades are and I'm worried. I don't like the holiday season because I don't see how people can be so danged happy. I think Christmas decorating is a waste of time. I said all of these things. And then he told me what day he gets out of school.. and I was like.. "Oh, we have finals the two days after that," and he replied, "I don't have to take finals. I think we'll be on our senior trip then." So I said.. "Must be nice to be you." And then there was a pause. And then he was like, "Well, I have to go get some stuff done." And I'm in one of those.. whatever.. moods right now. I could honestly care less about everything. I'm burning myself out and come Tuesday, when I find out I have a C in some class, and I get wicked grounded forever.. yeah, that'll be a good time.
I have this major presentation to do in Psychology and I just don't have the motivation to finish it. It's due on Tuesday, which means.. in addition to the SAT that I'm taking Saturday morning.. I have this huge project to do all weekend. And Sunday I have church, and I'll probably work. Granted, I'm grounded anyway.. but seriously.. that's enough to make any sane person question their existence. Tuesday, I have jazz band.. I present my project.. I get my report card.. and I have one Christmas concert. Wednesday is church day, and Matt's birthday, so we'll probably spend time at Arik's house.. which takes time away from whatever homework or scholarship I could be filling out. Thursday afterschool I leave for Winchester, VA, and then to Athens, WV.. then I'll be out of town most of Friday. Saturday, I have a jazz band gig at 2:00, and then Matt's birthday party is that evening. And then Sunday I have church, again, and I'll probably have to work, again.
I need a break. Like.. a big break. From everyone. I need a self-vacation. Just me. I need to make things right with people, but apparently I'm a liar, so it isn't worth a try. I need to take about three steps back, when all we seem to be doing is sprinting forward. I need to calm down.
I need a nice strong alcoholic drink. \-:
It's also led me to realize other things, like...
I don't miss being that young and naive. I don't miss being called "sheltered". I don't miss not being experienced. I don't miss being a prude. I don't miss being single. I don't miss being bored with life. I don't miss underachieving. I don't miss not knowing the truth. I don't miss the old childhood drama.
I was generally venting to Matt on the phone tonight because.. well.. he's the only person I have to vent to about certain things. And honestly.. I think he "had to go" because he was tired of hearing me complain. It kind of made me feel like crap. I'm stressed out because of school.. and on top of that, the situation that keeps gaining momentum and causing way too many problems. I don't know what my grades are and I'm worried. I don't like the holiday season because I don't see how people can be so danged happy. I think Christmas decorating is a waste of time. I said all of these things. And then he told me what day he gets out of school.. and I was like.. "Oh, we have finals the two days after that," and he replied, "I don't have to take finals. I think we'll be on our senior trip then." So I said.. "Must be nice to be you." And then there was a pause. And then he was like, "Well, I have to go get some stuff done." And I'm in one of those.. whatever.. moods right now. I could honestly care less about everything. I'm burning myself out and come Tuesday, when I find out I have a C in some class, and I get wicked grounded forever.. yeah, that'll be a good time.
I have this major presentation to do in Psychology and I just don't have the motivation to finish it. It's due on Tuesday, which means.. in addition to the SAT that I'm taking Saturday morning.. I have this huge project to do all weekend. And Sunday I have church, and I'll probably work. Granted, I'm grounded anyway.. but seriously.. that's enough to make any sane person question their existence. Tuesday, I have jazz band.. I present my project.. I get my report card.. and I have one Christmas concert. Wednesday is church day, and Matt's birthday, so we'll probably spend time at Arik's house.. which takes time away from whatever homework or scholarship I could be filling out. Thursday afterschool I leave for Winchester, VA, and then to Athens, WV.. then I'll be out of town most of Friday. Saturday, I have a jazz band gig at 2:00, and then Matt's birthday party is that evening. And then Sunday I have church, again, and I'll probably have to work, again.
I need a break. Like.. a big break. From everyone. I need a self-vacation. Just me. I need to make things right with people, but apparently I'm a liar, so it isn't worth a try. I need to take about three steps back, when all we seem to be doing is sprinting forward. I need to calm down.
I need a nice strong alcoholic drink. \-:
11.28.2007
I need some peace and serenity.
I had really hoped my senior year wouldn't come down to this.
Drama.
Stress.
Papers that make or break your grade.
Presentations that do the same.
Losing old friends.
Making new (not so great) friends.
Matt is the big glimmer of hope. I confided something in him that probably seemed silly and overdramatized in his eyes, but it was really important to me.. and it made me realize how ridiculous I get sometimes. And then it made me even more aware that he is probably the best (maybe the only) thing that I have going for me right now. His future is set.. he's more than content with how things are going.. he doesn't have to stress out over grades or scholarships, because he's covered.. he knows what he wants and he has the personality that will allow him to get it.. he has at least twice the amount of friends that I do, and they all love him to pieces.. he just has everything going for him.. to be quite honest, I hardly feel like I even deserve him. After the last guy I dated, I was very.. "I'm better than that, I deserve better than that." Well, now I have 'better than that', and I don't want him, because.. he's too good. It's too good to be true. Relationships don't just.. work. It's pretty sad when you're jealous of your own boyfriend because everything the freakin' kid touches turns to gold.
Everyone thinks I'm crazy for saying this stuff.. I'm starting to think they're right.
*shrug*
Drama.
Stress.
Papers that make or break your grade.
Presentations that do the same.
Losing old friends.
Making new (not so great) friends.
Matt is the big glimmer of hope. I confided something in him that probably seemed silly and overdramatized in his eyes, but it was really important to me.. and it made me realize how ridiculous I get sometimes. And then it made me even more aware that he is probably the best (maybe the only) thing that I have going for me right now. His future is set.. he's more than content with how things are going.. he doesn't have to stress out over grades or scholarships, because he's covered.. he knows what he wants and he has the personality that will allow him to get it.. he has at least twice the amount of friends that I do, and they all love him to pieces.. he just has everything going for him.. to be quite honest, I hardly feel like I even deserve him. After the last guy I dated, I was very.. "I'm better than that, I deserve better than that." Well, now I have 'better than that', and I don't want him, because.. he's too good. It's too good to be true. Relationships don't just.. work. It's pretty sad when you're jealous of your own boyfriend because everything the freakin' kid touches turns to gold.
Everyone thinks I'm crazy for saying this stuff.. I'm starting to think they're right.
*shrug*
11.24.2007
Without you, I'll be miserable, at best.
So I guess I'll actually do a real update for once.
My break went really well up until Wednesday afternoon. Matt and I went over to Arik's and were hanging out with him and Megan.. and that was all fine.. but then Mom called and started asking me about my grades in Mr. Cowgill's class. Apparently.. they're not as great as I thought they were. I didn't do so hot on a test (that I wasn't aware of) and there were two assignments that I didn't turn in (I'm still trying to figure these out). I have a low B in the class as of the beginning of November grades.. I'm not sure what it is now.. but I've been grounded from going out with Matt, basically. So I've been pretty miserable the past few days.
Lucky for me.. my mom intentionally threw a loophole in for me.. because she said I couldn't go OUT with Matt.. but if he came over here.. or we went out and he happened to meet us..
So I got to spend a few hours with him tonight. Mom, Dad, Stet, Eesh, myself, and Matt all went out to Oscar's tonight.. it was amazing. Just to be with Matt was amazing. I can not begin to tell you how much I missed him.. I don't know what I'm going to do when college rolls around. I'm going to be.. well, if there's a step down from miserable, that'll be me. I don't think Megan will be able to live with me, to be quite honest.
In other news.. as it stands now.. not only will my parents and I be going to Florida.. but Matt, Josh, and Alyssia (Stet and Eesh) are also going! (: I'm so friggin' excited! We leave in.. ohh.. a MONTH! Yay.
I've applied for bunches of scholarships and I'm very hopeful. I'm in the running for two $10,000 scholarships and one $14,000 scholarship.. which would be really helpful.. especially if I don't get PROMISE. Which I'm not so sure I'm still in the running for..
I'm going to post lyrics from a Yellowcard song because I think it's the most amazing song ever. I would marry Ryan Key if I wasn't so head over heels in love with Matt. (:
Oh. If anybody has any tips on long-distance relationships.. please share them.. I desperately want Matt and I to stay together.. and while I have bunches of faith in our relationship.. and I know that if it's meant to be, God will make a way.. I'm not content with just sitting back. So.. please. Please please please.
I can't think of anything of interest to post.. I really wish I could go to Frostburg. I don't want to go to Concord anymore. I'm not telling my parents. I'm settling for an in-state school. Maybe I'm not settling.. maybe FSU is settling.. I'm really not sure. All I know is, I really don't want to go away to college at all, I'm going to be miserable, I'm going to miss my family and my boyfriend entirely too much.. and I'm going to be even more stressed because I'll only have Megan there with me. I hate making new friends so much. I love Megan, don't take that the wrong way.. I'm glad she'll be there with me.. but I'd like to have more than one friend. Making new friends comes second nature to her and Matt both.. and I'm horrible at it.
Truth be told, I'm terrified.
Yellowcard - "Cut Me, Mick"
I can't keep this together, and I might lose this year. I can't get through December, and you know all my fears. Some place somewhere behind me, I walked right through the truth; the truth is that you're the one thing that always pulls me through this troubled life I chose.
You are the one that I need, you know that I can still breathe.. bring me back to life, bring me back to life. You bring me down from my cloud, to keep my feet on the ground.. bring me back to life, bring me back to life.
And when I thought that I might be invincible, it wasn't long before I was invisible to your eyes, and I swear there's nothing left in here, and the more you say you don't care, the more I know you're there.
You are the one that I need, you know that I can still breathe.. bring me back to life, bring me back to life. You bring me down from my cloud, to keep my feet on the ground.. bring me back to life, bring me back to life.
I can't keep this together (you are the one that I need)
I can't stay sick forever (you know that I can still breathe)
I can't stop this disaster (you bring me down from my cloud)
I can't fall any faster..
You are the one that I need, you know that I can still breathe.. bring me back to life, bring me back to life.
You are the one that I need, you know that I can still breathe.. bring me back to life, bring me back to life. You bring me down from my cloud, to keep my feet on the ground.. bring me back to life, bring me back to life.
You are the one that I need, you know that I can still breathe.. you bring me down from my cloud, to keep my feet on the ground..
.++.
And here's how I'll feel once I go away to college...
Mayday Parade - "Miserable At Best"
Katie, don't cry; I know you're trying your hardest, and the hardest part is letting go of the nights we shared. Ocala is calling and you know it's haunting, but compared to your eyes, nothing shines quite as bright. And when we look to the sky, it's not mine, but I want it so..
Let's not pretend you're alone tonight (I know he's there); you're probably hanging out and making eyes (while across the room, he stares). I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor, and ask my girl to dance, and she'll say yes..
Because these words are never easier for me to say, or her to second guess, but I guess that I can live without you but, without you I'll be miserable at best.
You're all that I hoped I'd find, in every single way, and everything I could give is everything you couldn't take. 'Cause nothing feels like home -- you're a thousand miles away -- and the hardest part of living is just taking breaths to stay.
Because I know I'm good for something, I just haven't found it yet. But I need it..
So let's not pretend like you're alone tonight (I know he's there); you're probably hanging out and making eyes (while across the room, he stares). I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor, and ask my girl to dance, and she'll say yes...
Because these words are never easier for me to say, or her to second guess, but I guess that I can live without you, but without you I'll be miserable at best.
And this will be the first time in a week that I'll talk to you, and I can't speak. Been three whole days since I've had sleep, because I dream of his lips on your cheek, and I got the point that I should leave you alone, but we both know that I'm not that strong. And I miss the lips that made me fly...
So let's not pretend that you're alone tonight (I know he's there); you're probably hanging out and making eyes (while across the room, he stares). I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor, and ask my girl to dance, and she'll say yes...
Because these words are never easier for me to say, or her to second guess, but I guess that I can live without you, but without you I'll be miserable..
And I can live without you, but without you I'll be miserable..
And I can live without you, oh, without you, I'll be miserable at best...
My break went really well up until Wednesday afternoon. Matt and I went over to Arik's and were hanging out with him and Megan.. and that was all fine.. but then Mom called and started asking me about my grades in Mr. Cowgill's class. Apparently.. they're not as great as I thought they were. I didn't do so hot on a test (that I wasn't aware of) and there were two assignments that I didn't turn in (I'm still trying to figure these out). I have a low B in the class as of the beginning of November grades.. I'm not sure what it is now.. but I've been grounded from going out with Matt, basically. So I've been pretty miserable the past few days.
Lucky for me.. my mom intentionally threw a loophole in for me.. because she said I couldn't go OUT with Matt.. but if he came over here.. or we went out and he happened to meet us..
So I got to spend a few hours with him tonight. Mom, Dad, Stet, Eesh, myself, and Matt all went out to Oscar's tonight.. it was amazing. Just to be with Matt was amazing. I can not begin to tell you how much I missed him.. I don't know what I'm going to do when college rolls around. I'm going to be.. well, if there's a step down from miserable, that'll be me. I don't think Megan will be able to live with me, to be quite honest.
In other news.. as it stands now.. not only will my parents and I be going to Florida.. but Matt, Josh, and Alyssia (Stet and Eesh) are also going! (: I'm so friggin' excited! We leave in.. ohh.. a MONTH! Yay.
I've applied for bunches of scholarships and I'm very hopeful. I'm in the running for two $10,000 scholarships and one $14,000 scholarship.. which would be really helpful.. especially if I don't get PROMISE. Which I'm not so sure I'm still in the running for..
I'm going to post lyrics from a Yellowcard song because I think it's the most amazing song ever. I would marry Ryan Key if I wasn't so head over heels in love with Matt. (:
Oh. If anybody has any tips on long-distance relationships.. please share them.. I desperately want Matt and I to stay together.. and while I have bunches of faith in our relationship.. and I know that if it's meant to be, God will make a way.. I'm not content with just sitting back. So.. please. Please please please.
I can't think of anything of interest to post.. I really wish I could go to Frostburg. I don't want to go to Concord anymore. I'm not telling my parents. I'm settling for an in-state school. Maybe I'm not settling.. maybe FSU is settling.. I'm really not sure. All I know is, I really don't want to go away to college at all, I'm going to be miserable, I'm going to miss my family and my boyfriend entirely too much.. and I'm going to be even more stressed because I'll only have Megan there with me. I hate making new friends so much. I love Megan, don't take that the wrong way.. I'm glad she'll be there with me.. but I'd like to have more than one friend. Making new friends comes second nature to her and Matt both.. and I'm horrible at it.
Truth be told, I'm terrified.
Yellowcard - "Cut Me, Mick"
I can't keep this together, and I might lose this year. I can't get through December, and you know all my fears. Some place somewhere behind me, I walked right through the truth; the truth is that you're the one thing that always pulls me through this troubled life I chose.
You are the one that I need, you know that I can still breathe.. bring me back to life, bring me back to life. You bring me down from my cloud, to keep my feet on the ground.. bring me back to life, bring me back to life.
And when I thought that I might be invincible, it wasn't long before I was invisible to your eyes, and I swear there's nothing left in here, and the more you say you don't care, the more I know you're there.
You are the one that I need, you know that I can still breathe.. bring me back to life, bring me back to life. You bring me down from my cloud, to keep my feet on the ground.. bring me back to life, bring me back to life.
I can't keep this together (you are the one that I need)
I can't stay sick forever (you know that I can still breathe)
I can't stop this disaster (you bring me down from my cloud)
I can't fall any faster..
You are the one that I need, you know that I can still breathe.. bring me back to life, bring me back to life.
You are the one that I need, you know that I can still breathe.. bring me back to life, bring me back to life. You bring me down from my cloud, to keep my feet on the ground.. bring me back to life, bring me back to life.
You are the one that I need, you know that I can still breathe.. you bring me down from my cloud, to keep my feet on the ground..
.++.
And here's how I'll feel once I go away to college...
Mayday Parade - "Miserable At Best"
Katie, don't cry; I know you're trying your hardest, and the hardest part is letting go of the nights we shared. Ocala is calling and you know it's haunting, but compared to your eyes, nothing shines quite as bright. And when we look to the sky, it's not mine, but I want it so..
Let's not pretend you're alone tonight (I know he's there); you're probably hanging out and making eyes (while across the room, he stares). I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor, and ask my girl to dance, and she'll say yes..
Because these words are never easier for me to say, or her to second guess, but I guess that I can live without you but, without you I'll be miserable at best.
You're all that I hoped I'd find, in every single way, and everything I could give is everything you couldn't take. 'Cause nothing feels like home -- you're a thousand miles away -- and the hardest part of living is just taking breaths to stay.
Because I know I'm good for something, I just haven't found it yet. But I need it..
So let's not pretend like you're alone tonight (I know he's there); you're probably hanging out and making eyes (while across the room, he stares). I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor, and ask my girl to dance, and she'll say yes...
Because these words are never easier for me to say, or her to second guess, but I guess that I can live without you, but without you I'll be miserable at best.
And this will be the first time in a week that I'll talk to you, and I can't speak. Been three whole days since I've had sleep, because I dream of his lips on your cheek, and I got the point that I should leave you alone, but we both know that I'm not that strong. And I miss the lips that made me fly...
So let's not pretend that you're alone tonight (I know he's there); you're probably hanging out and making eyes (while across the room, he stares). I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor, and ask my girl to dance, and she'll say yes...
Because these words are never easier for me to say, or her to second guess, but I guess that I can live without you, but without you I'll be miserable..
And I can live without you, but without you I'll be miserable..
And I can live without you, oh, without you, I'll be miserable at best...
11.22.2007
In reference to the most previous post..
Sometimes, things just happen too conveniently for them to be believable.
Sometimes I don't want you around.
Sometimes I think we should just be friends.
Sometimes I feel guilty.
Sometimes you make me feel worse.
Sometimes I don't want you around.
Sometimes I think we should just be friends.
Sometimes I feel guilty.
Sometimes you make me feel worse.
11.21.2007
Completion.
Sometimes, you just need someone to hold you when you cry.
Sometimes, you just need someone to say, "It'll be okay."
Sometimes, you just need to be able to look in their eyes and know they mean it.
Sometimes.. I just need you.
Sometimes, you just need someone to say, "It'll be okay."
Sometimes, you just need to be able to look in their eyes and know they mean it.
Sometimes.. I just need you.
11.20.2007
*sigh*
This has been a rough week for me for some reason. My emotions have been all over the board...
I got bunches of information from Frostburg State University. Since I was accepted there, I got my room request form and all of that stuff.. and the more information I get from there.. the more I'm regretting choosing Concord. I mean.. sure.. it's a great college.. and I'll probably love it there.. but I am so completely envious of my boyfriend that he gets to get an apartment with one of his best friends and live right near everyone he's grown up with his entire life. I get to live on campus (with my best friend) whether I want to or not, and I'm four hours + away from everyone else that I know and love. I'll be lucky if I know anyone else at my college, even. I love Frostburg. I don't know why I decided not to go there. I'm regretting my choices more and more every day. But it's out of state, anyway, so I wouldn't be able to go there. At least I picked a school that will probably be able to give me a good education..
Matt keeps talking about him and Matt Cosner getting an apartment together, and all of this stuff.. and it keeps upsetting me. I'm not sure why.. I mean.. I've been getting Concord information for a while now and I've been fine.. thinking about me going away to college and whatnot.. but it's like.. as soon as he starts talking about him being in college and all that.. I start flipping out. I don't understand it. But I know this whole college business is stressing me out more now that I've actually been accepted. I have to apply for scholarships and fill out forms and wait for acceptance letters so I can do room request forms and.. ugh. I just want it to stop.
My friggin' AP Government homework is killing me. It's the most ridiculous busy-work type assignment Cowgill has ever given us. And I love Mr. Cowgill, don't get me wrong.. but this is nuts. FOUR PAGES?! Our papers we write for English 101 aren't even that long.. they're 750 words.. which is roughly two and a half pages. Argh..
I think I might make a new blog for my family (and friends who care) to read, especially while I'm away at college. That way, they'll know what's going on in my life and whatnot, and it saves me time with calling every single one of them every night.. y'know? Good lord.. why am I freaking out about this so much..
And to make matters worse, I have this voice nagging me in my head with, "Break up with Matt. You and Matt are better off as friends. College is coming up and you'll be heartbroken and not be able to focus on your studies. At least if you do it now, you'll be over it by next August." I'm completely miserable right now. I feel guilty for thinking that. Terribly guilty. What's even worse is that some days.. I agree with that nagging voice in my head.
Jeesh. This is too depressing. I think I'm going to go try to finish my AP Government homework.
I got bunches of information from Frostburg State University. Since I was accepted there, I got my room request form and all of that stuff.. and the more information I get from there.. the more I'm regretting choosing Concord. I mean.. sure.. it's a great college.. and I'll probably love it there.. but I am so completely envious of my boyfriend that he gets to get an apartment with one of his best friends and live right near everyone he's grown up with his entire life. I get to live on campus (with my best friend) whether I want to or not, and I'm four hours + away from everyone else that I know and love. I'll be lucky if I know anyone else at my college, even. I love Frostburg. I don't know why I decided not to go there. I'm regretting my choices more and more every day. But it's out of state, anyway, so I wouldn't be able to go there. At least I picked a school that will probably be able to give me a good education..
Matt keeps talking about him and Matt Cosner getting an apartment together, and all of this stuff.. and it keeps upsetting me. I'm not sure why.. I mean.. I've been getting Concord information for a while now and I've been fine.. thinking about me going away to college and whatnot.. but it's like.. as soon as he starts talking about him being in college and all that.. I start flipping out. I don't understand it. But I know this whole college business is stressing me out more now that I've actually been accepted. I have to apply for scholarships and fill out forms and wait for acceptance letters so I can do room request forms and.. ugh. I just want it to stop.
My friggin' AP Government homework is killing me. It's the most ridiculous busy-work type assignment Cowgill has ever given us. And I love Mr. Cowgill, don't get me wrong.. but this is nuts. FOUR PAGES?! Our papers we write for English 101 aren't even that long.. they're 750 words.. which is roughly two and a half pages. Argh..
I think I might make a new blog for my family (and friends who care) to read, especially while I'm away at college. That way, they'll know what's going on in my life and whatnot, and it saves me time with calling every single one of them every night.. y'know? Good lord.. why am I freaking out about this so much..
And to make matters worse, I have this voice nagging me in my head with, "Break up with Matt. You and Matt are better off as friends. College is coming up and you'll be heartbroken and not be able to focus on your studies. At least if you do it now, you'll be over it by next August." I'm completely miserable right now. I feel guilty for thinking that. Terribly guilty. What's even worse is that some days.. I agree with that nagging voice in my head.
Jeesh. This is too depressing. I think I'm going to go try to finish my AP Government homework.
11.17.2007
Serenity is all a wondering mind needs.
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
--Reinhold Niebuhr
11.15.2007
Scaramouche, scaramouche; will you do the Fandango?
So.. I'm almost positive I'm doing Fine Arts this year! I had such an amazing time at Indy07 last year.. being around all of those different people, as well as getting to present our human video and visit Indianapolis and.. ugh. I'm excited for Fine Arts. I think I'm going to do puppets and human video this year.. because I've never done either, really. I was a fill-in last year.. but I want to be an actual participant this year. I'm excited!
Matt and I have almost been together a year. No need to tell you how excited I am about that, either. (:
Speaking of Indy07.. I just found the video from the last day and the violinist (last name Tavani!) is frickin' amazing. Made a few of us cry, myself included. Just.. wow. He was INCREDIBLE.
And that's about all I have to say about that. I'll write more later, I guess.
<3
Matt and I have almost been together a year. No need to tell you how excited I am about that, either. (:
Speaking of Indy07.. I just found the video from the last day and the violinist (last name Tavani!) is frickin' amazing. Made a few of us cry, myself included. Just.. wow. He was INCREDIBLE.
And that's about all I have to say about that. I'll write more later, I guess.
<3
11.09.2007
Happiness.
Happiness is...
A take home test.
A warm cup of coffee in the morning.
A text message.
A welcoming hug.
Chocolate milk.
Serendipity.
McDonald's.
A "one thing led to another" experience.
Regret.
Community service.
No drama.
The Frankfort High School Drumline.
God.
Post Secret.
Autumn leaves.
Childhood innocence.
Saying no.
Addictions put in the past.
Relief.
New music.
Old music.
Just plain music.
Cuddling.
Family.
Future additions to families.
Birthdays.
Staying out on a football field in the middle of November to raise homeless awareness.
[Falling in] Love.
A good novel.
Eating just a little too much...
... and not feeling guilty about it.
Introversion.
Show tunes.
Concord University.
Flaws, imperfections, and mistakes.
Living.
Candy hearts.
America.
Matt.
Penguins, ducks, or any other cute animal.
(But especially penguins and ducks).
The first snow of a winter.
Jazz band.
Apologizing.
Unanswered prayers.
Answered prayers.
The Sinner's Prayer.
Just plain prayers.
Genuinity.
Made up words.
Rain.
Being alone.
Having someone there for me.
The future.
The past.
The present.
The person I am today.
A take home test.
A warm cup of coffee in the morning.
A text message.
A welcoming hug.
Chocolate milk.
Serendipity.
McDonald's.
A "one thing led to another" experience.
Regret.
Community service.
No drama.
The Frankfort High School Drumline.
God.
Post Secret.
Autumn leaves.
Childhood innocence.
Saying no.
Addictions put in the past.
Relief.
New music.
Old music.
Just plain music.
Cuddling.
Family.
Future additions to families.
Birthdays.
Staying out on a football field in the middle of November to raise homeless awareness.
[Falling in] Love.
A good novel.
Eating just a little too much...
... and not feeling guilty about it.
Introversion.
Show tunes.
Concord University.
Flaws, imperfections, and mistakes.
Living.
Candy hearts.
America.
Matt.
Penguins, ducks, or any other cute animal.
(But especially penguins and ducks).
The first snow of a winter.
Jazz band.
Apologizing.
Unanswered prayers.
Answered prayers.
The Sinner's Prayer.
Just plain prayers.
Genuinity.
Made up words.
Rain.
Being alone.
Having someone there for me.
The future.
The past.
The present.
The person I am today.
11.04.2007
Due to an extreme amount of boredom.
I'm too lazy to separate my ramblings tonight, so you'll have to just deal with it, I suppose.
Friday during Foundations and 3rd block, I updated my penguin and the quotes section of Mr. Cowgill's board. There is now a new Demetri Martin quote, and my penguin is wearing a green "Got Plinko?" shirt and a pair of jeans. (: I had a really good time with that.
And now.. Whitney and I are discussing Mr. Hipkiss and his overflowing fountain of wisdom. Puke.
I just spent most of my day with Matt. It was really fun and, as always, brought us closer together as a couple. After church and a somewhat serious conversation, we had lunch/dinner with his parents.. which consisted of, for me, two and a half helpings of stuffing, one and a half helpings of mashed potatoes, and a roll. Yummm.. (: .. hehe. So after dinner, Matt and I sorted through two boxes of family pictures of him and his sister, and his biological dad, and his step-dad, and his mom (of course).. in addition to billions of other family members. And then we walked over to Daniel's so that Matt could borrow the fourth Harry Potter book. Then we.. hmm.. went back to his house and watched the Patriot-Colts game.. and then we got bored, so we left. We went through McDonald's drive-thru, brought the food back to my house, and sat in his car and watched Family Guy for two hours. Well.. we "watched" Family Guy. (; And had an interesting incident involving a hamburger wrapper.. but that's for us to know. (:
Anywayyy.. what else. Umm.. I have the most adorable picture of my boyfriend ever. Actually, the most adorable one is in a Ziploc bag at his house.. but I really want to get ahold of it and put it on a cake for his birthday. I'd like that. (: He was such an adorable baby.. like.. you have no idea. He still is adorable, mind you, but he was so cute as a baby! I hope our kids turn out that cute. (: hehe.. I'm very smiley tonight. (:
Isn't he cute? (: haha.. that was actually from a month ago.. but that's okay. I wouldn't mind waking up to that ^ every morning. (:
Matt and I are still deciding exactly what we're going to do about college. As far as visiting and being engaged and all of that good stuff. So I'm not sure exactly what's going on as far as that goes.. but.. I know that I'm beginning to feel a lot better about it. I feel like we're going to make it, and that if we don't, it'll be for the best. I'm not stressing out over it as much.. at the moment, at least.
Carrie just told me she would lol so freaking hard if I said something completely retarded to Gillis tomorrow. So now I'm getting a mental image of her walking into class and just going, "LOL! LOL! LOL!" (: hehe
I can't think of anything else I had to say, but I know there was another thing I had to put in this blog. Hmm.. there are only fifty-four days until we leave for Disney World! And only forty-nine days until Matt and I celebrate our one year anniversary. That's crazy! CRAZY! I didn't imagine us lasting that long, honestly. I'm very happy that we have, though. He's amazing. (:
Anyway. I'm going to bed. I just felt the need to ramble and post that picture. So.. erm.. goodnight, I suppose! (:
Friday during Foundations and 3rd block, I updated my penguin and the quotes section of Mr. Cowgill's board. There is now a new Demetri Martin quote, and my penguin is wearing a green "Got Plinko?" shirt and a pair of jeans. (: I had a really good time with that.
And now.. Whitney and I are discussing Mr. Hipkiss and his overflowing fountain of wisdom. Puke.
I just spent most of my day with Matt. It was really fun and, as always, brought us closer together as a couple. After church and a somewhat serious conversation, we had lunch/dinner with his parents.. which consisted of, for me, two and a half helpings of stuffing, one and a half helpings of mashed potatoes, and a roll. Yummm.. (: .. hehe. So after dinner, Matt and I sorted through two boxes of family pictures of him and his sister, and his biological dad, and his step-dad, and his mom (of course).. in addition to billions of other family members. And then we walked over to Daniel's so that Matt could borrow the fourth Harry Potter book. Then we.. hmm.. went back to his house and watched the Patriot-Colts game.. and then we got bored, so we left. We went through McDonald's drive-thru, brought the food back to my house, and sat in his car and watched Family Guy for two hours. Well.. we "watched" Family Guy. (; And had an interesting incident involving a hamburger wrapper.. but that's for us to know. (:
Anywayyy.. what else. Umm.. I have the most adorable picture of my boyfriend ever. Actually, the most adorable one is in a Ziploc bag at his house.. but I really want to get ahold of it and put it on a cake for his birthday. I'd like that. (: He was such an adorable baby.. like.. you have no idea. He still is adorable, mind you, but he was so cute as a baby! I hope our kids turn out that cute. (: hehe.. I'm very smiley tonight. (:
Isn't he cute? (: haha.. that was actually from a month ago.. but that's okay. I wouldn't mind waking up to that ^ every morning. (:
Matt and I are still deciding exactly what we're going to do about college. As far as visiting and being engaged and all of that good stuff. So I'm not sure exactly what's going on as far as that goes.. but.. I know that I'm beginning to feel a lot better about it. I feel like we're going to make it, and that if we don't, it'll be for the best. I'm not stressing out over it as much.. at the moment, at least.
Carrie just told me she would lol so freaking hard if I said something completely retarded to Gillis tomorrow. So now I'm getting a mental image of her walking into class and just going, "LOL! LOL! LOL!" (: hehe
I can't think of anything else I had to say, but I know there was another thing I had to put in this blog. Hmm.. there are only fifty-four days until we leave for Disney World! And only forty-nine days until Matt and I celebrate our one year anniversary. That's crazy! CRAZY! I didn't imagine us lasting that long, honestly. I'm very happy that we have, though. He's amazing. (:
Anyway. I'm going to bed. I just felt the need to ramble and post that picture. So.. erm.. goodnight, I suppose! (:
11.01.2007
Take heart, 'cause you know that you have mine.
[FRANKFORT]
The band has been doing fairly well this year. I don't really enjoy it as much as I used to... but I think that's just because it's been four years of it, and I want a break. Plus, all of my friends from band are pretty much.. well.. they've just changed. A lot. Actually, all of my friends have changed a lot. To the point where I really don't want to hang out with any of them anymore. They've all adapted lifestyles that I don't agree with.. and some of them subtly put me down for my views.. or make fun of me (not-so-subtly, even though they think they're being subtle). I have Megan and Arik.. and Matt, of course.. he's my bestest.. and that's actually about it. I feel closer with Matt's family then I do with my friends. Like Timmy, and Josh, and Tim, and Gramma Mike. Especially Tim, though. I think if I ever had a problem, I could go to him about it, and he'd have good, Christian advice for me, and he'd keep it confidential. And half of my friends.. well.. I guess I could talk to them about stuff.. but they like to spread things around. But anyway.. I'm doing well in my classes now. Thankfully. I have like.. over 100% in College Prep Math. And I think I have an A in Cowgill's.. but it might actually be a B. I'm not sure. And then I'm never sure about English. But I think I have an A in British Literature. And I have no reason to not have an A in English 101. And in Psychology 101, I think I have a B. So I'm pretty excited.
[COLLEGE]
So.. since my last post.. I am pleased to announce that...
And I'm definitely going. Well.. almost definitely. I know it's what I want to do.. but I'm afraid of two things. Somewhat afraid of how that will affect those around me.. as in, my family and Matt. But mostly afraid that it's not what God wants me to do with my life. I mean.. I think it is.. and I really feel like I should be going there and all.. but I just worry that I'm making the wrong decision. I'm also really afraid of how Matt and I are going to handle this. It's like.. I need to hear that we'll make it.. and all of that. But that's reassurance that nobody can give. I have to have faith in this relationship and trust in God and in Matt that this will work out. And trusting people and having faith in things were never my strong points.. so I'm taking this really tough. I hate not being able to see him. And my parents.. I'll definitely miss them. But I know that Mom and Dad will actually be able to come and visit, and so will Aiya. Matt will have to work around his school schedule as well. And it bums me out that I probably won't be at any of his soccer games or anything like that, and that he won't be at any of my performances or anything with the band. But I guess that's expected when one person moves four hours away. *sigh*
[BOYFRANNN]
Matt and I are better than ever, despite all of the college stuff. Among other recent.. umm.. "issues". But that's something between he and I entirely (yes, I'm still a virgin). I feel suddenly.. closer.. or something.. to him now. I feel like we could actually possibly make it. And I like feeling that. I mean, I'm still horribly terrified. But I actually believe Matt when he says he'll keep the relationship going as long as I will, and that he'll put forth all of his effort. As long as neither of us decide that we "just don't have time for a relationship", we'll be okay. I hope. As silly as this sounds, I do kind of want to be engaged while I'm in college. Or at least just "promised". Just.. y'know. It'd be nice. I don't know. It's just.. there comes a time when you're with someone.. and you.. you just know. You know they're the person you're going to marry. You know they're the only person for you. You know that you don't care what happens in your life.. as long as they're there to share it with you. And I know that I've found that with Matt. :)
[ANYWAY...]
I have homework to be doing and whatnot. But I will tell you that Matt and I finally have a "song". Well, kind of. I proposed that it become our song due to upcoming events, and he was like, "Okay!" haha.. cute. :) So I'm going to go write a paper and leave you with zee lyrics.
.++.
Once upon a time.. not so long ago...
Tommy used to work on the docks. Union's been on strike, he's down on his luck; it's tough.. so tough.. Gina works the diner all day, working for her man, she brings home her pay for love.. for love..
She says, "we've got to hold on to what we've got, 'cause it doesn't make a difference if we make it or not. We've got each other, and that's a lot for love; we'll give it a shot. Whoa, we're halfway there; whoa, livin' on a prayer. Take my hand and we'll make it - I swear.. whoa, we're livin' on a prayer.."
Tommy's got his six string in hock -- now he's holding in what he used to make it talk, so tough.. it's tough.. Gina dreams of running away; when she cries in the night, Tommy whispers, "Baby, it's okay.. someday.. we've got to hold on to what we've got, 'cause it doesn't make a difference if we make it or not. We've got each other, and thats a lot for love; we'll give it a shot. Whoa, we're halfway there; whoa, livin' on a prayer. Take my hand and we'll make it - I swear.. whoa, we're livin' on a prayer. We've got to hold on, ready or not; you live for the fight when it's all that you've got. Whoa, we're halfway there; whoa, livin' on a prayer. Take my hand and we'll make it - I swear.. whoa, we're livin' on a prayer.."
The band has been doing fairly well this year. I don't really enjoy it as much as I used to... but I think that's just because it's been four years of it, and I want a break. Plus, all of my friends from band are pretty much.. well.. they've just changed. A lot. Actually, all of my friends have changed a lot. To the point where I really don't want to hang out with any of them anymore. They've all adapted lifestyles that I don't agree with.. and some of them subtly put me down for my views.. or make fun of me (not-so-subtly, even though they think they're being subtle). I have Megan and Arik.. and Matt, of course.. he's my bestest.. and that's actually about it. I feel closer with Matt's family then I do with my friends. Like Timmy, and Josh, and Tim, and Gramma Mike. Especially Tim, though. I think if I ever had a problem, I could go to him about it, and he'd have good, Christian advice for me, and he'd keep it confidential. And half of my friends.. well.. I guess I could talk to them about stuff.. but they like to spread things around. But anyway.. I'm doing well in my classes now. Thankfully. I have like.. over 100% in College Prep Math. And I think I have an A in Cowgill's.. but it might actually be a B. I'm not sure. And then I'm never sure about English. But I think I have an A in British Literature. And I have no reason to not have an A in English 101. And in Psychology 101, I think I have a B. So I'm pretty excited.
[COLLEGE]
So.. since my last post.. I am pleased to announce that...
I HAVE BEEN ACCEPTED BY
CONCORD UNIVERSITY!!
CONCORD UNIVERSITY!!
And I'm definitely going. Well.. almost definitely. I know it's what I want to do.. but I'm afraid of two things. Somewhat afraid of how that will affect those around me.. as in, my family and Matt. But mostly afraid that it's not what God wants me to do with my life. I mean.. I think it is.. and I really feel like I should be going there and all.. but I just worry that I'm making the wrong decision. I'm also really afraid of how Matt and I are going to handle this. It's like.. I need to hear that we'll make it.. and all of that. But that's reassurance that nobody can give. I have to have faith in this relationship and trust in God and in Matt that this will work out. And trusting people and having faith in things were never my strong points.. so I'm taking this really tough. I hate not being able to see him. And my parents.. I'll definitely miss them. But I know that Mom and Dad will actually be able to come and visit, and so will Aiya. Matt will have to work around his school schedule as well. And it bums me out that I probably won't be at any of his soccer games or anything like that, and that he won't be at any of my performances or anything with the band. But I guess that's expected when one person moves four hours away. *sigh*
[BOYFRANNN]
Matt and I are better than ever, despite all of the college stuff. Among other recent.. umm.. "issues". But that's something between he and I entirely (yes, I'm still a virgin). I feel suddenly.. closer.. or something.. to him now. I feel like we could actually possibly make it. And I like feeling that. I mean, I'm still horribly terrified. But I actually believe Matt when he says he'll keep the relationship going as long as I will, and that he'll put forth all of his effort. As long as neither of us decide that we "just don't have time for a relationship", we'll be okay. I hope. As silly as this sounds, I do kind of want to be engaged while I'm in college. Or at least just "promised". Just.. y'know. It'd be nice. I don't know. It's just.. there comes a time when you're with someone.. and you.. you just know. You know they're the person you're going to marry. You know they're the only person for you. You know that you don't care what happens in your life.. as long as they're there to share it with you. And I know that I've found that with Matt. :)
[ANYWAY...]
I have homework to be doing and whatnot. But I will tell you that Matt and I finally have a "song". Well, kind of. I proposed that it become our song due to upcoming events, and he was like, "Okay!" haha.. cute. :) So I'm going to go write a paper and leave you with zee lyrics.
.++.
Once upon a time.. not so long ago...
Tommy used to work on the docks. Union's been on strike, he's down on his luck; it's tough.. so tough.. Gina works the diner all day, working for her man, she brings home her pay for love.. for love..
She says, "we've got to hold on to what we've got, 'cause it doesn't make a difference if we make it or not. We've got each other, and that's a lot for love; we'll give it a shot. Whoa, we're halfway there; whoa, livin' on a prayer. Take my hand and we'll make it - I swear.. whoa, we're livin' on a prayer.."
Tommy's got his six string in hock -- now he's holding in what he used to make it talk, so tough.. it's tough.. Gina dreams of running away; when she cries in the night, Tommy whispers, "Baby, it's okay.. someday.. we've got to hold on to what we've got, 'cause it doesn't make a difference if we make it or not. We've got each other, and thats a lot for love; we'll give it a shot. Whoa, we're halfway there; whoa, livin' on a prayer. Take my hand and we'll make it - I swear.. whoa, we're livin' on a prayer. We've got to hold on, ready or not; you live for the fight when it's all that you've got. Whoa, we're halfway there; whoa, livin' on a prayer. Take my hand and we'll make it - I swear.. whoa, we're livin' on a prayer.."
10.19.2007
Sirius Channel 75
basically owns my life. It's the Siriusly Sinatra channel, so it's all Frank Sinatra and easy listening music. If this station was a person, I would marry it and bear its children. (:
[BREAK-UPS]
So I guess today has just been the day for people to break-up. I had to try to keep Lara from bawling her eyes out today in fourth block so she could actually break-up with Chris without crying too much. Granted, I don't mind that, because I love Lara to pieces and I want to do everything I can to help the situation and help her. But now.. Josh and Eesh are broken up, or on a break, or whatever. And it actually kind of upsets me, because I always saw those two as that one relationship that was just going to stay permanent. Thankfully, as of right now, Matt and I are still staying together. When college rolls around.. *sigh*.. I don't know what I'm going to do.
[COLLEGE]
College is a whole other beast entirely. I'm about 98% sure that I want to go to Concord University.. in the small little town of Athens, West Virginia.. which is only, oh, four hours away. Four hours away from my family. Four hours away from my boyfriend, who has my entire heart, and who I someday hope to marry. I'm completely torn up inside about this.. because I know that I could get this great education at Concord, and I know that a guy should not dictate my college choice.. and even though I talk a good game of, "I'm going to Concord, even though Matt really doesn't want me to," to be quite honest, I'm so terrified of losing him that I'd seriously stay at Frostburg. And like.. I don't know.. it really upsets me that I'm going to be that far away. I'll probably only see him like.. three or four times a month. If I'm lucky and both of us have gas money. Or if I'm really lucky, I'll have an early class on Friday and I can get home by Friday afternoon or Friday night, so we'll have some of Friday, all of Saturday, and maybe some of Sunday. But I doubt it. So.. I don't even know. We were talking about how to keep our relationship together, and we've come up with some extreme ideas (being engaged in college, having a promise ring...), but we can't really come up with anything that we think will work. I look at Sierra and Drew, who can't even see each other, and I don't know how they do it. I'm afraid he'll find someone new.. or I'll find someone new.. just. I don't think I can go through this. I'm honestly considering ending it now just to save myself the trouble of ending it later. I know I'll be crazy paranoid that he's cheating on me, and I know that I'll be jealous of every friend he has in college, and I already know I'll find maybe one friend in Concord. I'm just.. I don't think I can deal with it, on top of college life. But if I would ever tell him what I just said, he'd think that I was just looking for an excuse to break-up with him, which is a lie. If he proposed to me right now, I'd probably say yes. Granted, I wouldn't marry him for awhile. But I'd still probably accept the proposal. And the promise ring idea was a good idea.. but he said it was almost just like an engagement ring.. and then I made the statement, "Well, do we really need a ring to remind ourselves that we love each other?" Now that I'm thinking about it, though.. it'll be nice to be sitting in class, or wherever, and look down at that ring.. and think, "He loves me. He wants to marry me someday." I actually am kind of thinking that'd be a good idea. But.. I hate that he talked to me about that. I always imagined the promise ring/engagement ring thing to be a surprise. But.. whatever. I'm just.. unimaginably stressed out about this.
[FRANKFORT]
We had a fight the other day. I kind of felt guilty that I didn't try to do something to stop it.. especially because I was just in a human video promoting BREAKING UP FIGHTS. But.. ehh.. it was two guys (one was exceptionally strong, too).. I don't really need to get in the middle of that. It's some scary stuff. In other news.. I got my first report card. I got a B in English 101, a B in British Literature, and a B in Psychology 101. I got As in the rest of my classes, though. (: My GPA ended up being something like a 4.175 or something. So I'm hoping when that gets added in to the 3.875 that I ended with last year, it'll even out to about a 4.0. And I desperately need the core GPA, so.. that kind of stuff would be helpful. I'm still kind of slacking in my classes, though. I hate it. Psychology is just tough because I have so much trouble studying for the tests. The other two.. I'm just lazy and don't study. Actually, I don't really study for any tests. Ever. I should be failing AP Government, but we get to use our notes. It's bad that I rely on them, but I already know I won't be able to memorize all of those court cases. Except for the one that called Georgia's use of the death penalty "freakish" and "random". (:
[IN OTHER NEWS]
I came across the most entertaining blog today, and it deal with a topic that I always point out: grammatical errors in signs, etc. But not just any grammatical error -- no, that would be too broad. This website focuses on out-of-place or unnecessary quotation marks. You should definitely check it out. Also, "Puttin' On The Ritz" just came on the radio. I love this song.
[MATT, AGAIN]
I know I just spent an hour talking about how I want to break up with my boyfriend. But honestly.. and I guess this is just the "everyone else is doing it" bug biting me.. I'm starting to think we need space. It's weird. One day, I'm completely head over heels for him.. the next, I question why we're in a relationship. I guess it's just because I went sixteen years of my life without a relationship, and now that I'm in one that may just last, I want to get out of it. But I'm also getting into Stet's mind frame: "If he's not the one, then I'm just wasting our time." And honestly.. I know I love him.. but I'm not so sure if he's the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. Or, more specifically, if he's the One that God has picked out for me. I don't know what might've caused me to change my mind suddenly.. it's just really weird. I don't want to say any of this to him.. but I feel guilty. I don't know if I have split emotional personalities, or what. I do love him.. and I love to spend time with him.. but I'm also afraid that choices we've made recently are a) un-reversible, b) making it harder for us to keep a good relationship, and c) half the reason I'm still in a relationship. I always vowed not to let one thing surpass the other, and I let myself make choices that I regret. At the time, it was what I wanted, and I had a more-than-momentary lapse of reason. Now.. I wish I hadn't done it. And I think that might be part of it. And I feel like he's tying me down.. I can't make decisions because I'm starting to not only think of how it'll affect me, but how it will affect "us". And (not that I have many friends anyway) but I already know I blow off my friends to hang out with my boyfriend, because I dont' get to see him much.. so I want to spend as much as possible with him. But I've lost contact with so many people because of Matt.. not that it's his fault, because it's mine.. but just because I want to spend time talking to him and being with him, I don't get to talk to a lot of my other friends anymore. It's like.. just.. ugh.. I can't talk about any of this when I can't even sort out what the deuce I'm thinking.
[ANYWAY]
I pretty much don't have much else to say. Matt gets off work in nine minutes, so he'll probably call me in about.. ehh.. thirty. So I guess I should try to get a little bit of work done between now and then. If you are the praying type at all.. please say a prayer for me.. because I honestly just don't know what to do about anything anymore.
[P.S.]
I play with my food.
[BREAK-UPS]
So I guess today has just been the day for people to break-up. I had to try to keep Lara from bawling her eyes out today in fourth block so she could actually break-up with Chris without crying too much. Granted, I don't mind that, because I love Lara to pieces and I want to do everything I can to help the situation and help her. But now.. Josh and Eesh are broken up, or on a break, or whatever. And it actually kind of upsets me, because I always saw those two as that one relationship that was just going to stay permanent. Thankfully, as of right now, Matt and I are still staying together. When college rolls around.. *sigh*.. I don't know what I'm going to do.
[COLLEGE]
College is a whole other beast entirely. I'm about 98% sure that I want to go to Concord University.. in the small little town of Athens, West Virginia.. which is only, oh, four hours away. Four hours away from my family. Four hours away from my boyfriend, who has my entire heart, and who I someday hope to marry. I'm completely torn up inside about this.. because I know that I could get this great education at Concord, and I know that a guy should not dictate my college choice.. and even though I talk a good game of, "I'm going to Concord, even though Matt really doesn't want me to," to be quite honest, I'm so terrified of losing him that I'd seriously stay at Frostburg. And like.. I don't know.. it really upsets me that I'm going to be that far away. I'll probably only see him like.. three or four times a month. If I'm lucky and both of us have gas money. Or if I'm really lucky, I'll have an early class on Friday and I can get home by Friday afternoon or Friday night, so we'll have some of Friday, all of Saturday, and maybe some of Sunday. But I doubt it. So.. I don't even know. We were talking about how to keep our relationship together, and we've come up with some extreme ideas (being engaged in college, having a promise ring...), but we can't really come up with anything that we think will work. I look at Sierra and Drew, who can't even see each other, and I don't know how they do it. I'm afraid he'll find someone new.. or I'll find someone new.. just. I don't think I can go through this. I'm honestly considering ending it now just to save myself the trouble of ending it later. I know I'll be crazy paranoid that he's cheating on me, and I know that I'll be jealous of every friend he has in college, and I already know I'll find maybe one friend in Concord. I'm just.. I don't think I can deal with it, on top of college life. But if I would ever tell him what I just said, he'd think that I was just looking for an excuse to break-up with him, which is a lie. If he proposed to me right now, I'd probably say yes. Granted, I wouldn't marry him for awhile. But I'd still probably accept the proposal. And the promise ring idea was a good idea.. but he said it was almost just like an engagement ring.. and then I made the statement, "Well, do we really need a ring to remind ourselves that we love each other?" Now that I'm thinking about it, though.. it'll be nice to be sitting in class, or wherever, and look down at that ring.. and think, "He loves me. He wants to marry me someday." I actually am kind of thinking that'd be a good idea. But.. I hate that he talked to me about that. I always imagined the promise ring/engagement ring thing to be a surprise. But.. whatever. I'm just.. unimaginably stressed out about this.
[FRANKFORT]
We had a fight the other day. I kind of felt guilty that I didn't try to do something to stop it.. especially because I was just in a human video promoting BREAKING UP FIGHTS. But.. ehh.. it was two guys (one was exceptionally strong, too).. I don't really need to get in the middle of that. It's some scary stuff. In other news.. I got my first report card. I got a B in English 101, a B in British Literature, and a B in Psychology 101. I got As in the rest of my classes, though. (: My GPA ended up being something like a 4.175 or something. So I'm hoping when that gets added in to the 3.875 that I ended with last year, it'll even out to about a 4.0. And I desperately need the core GPA, so.. that kind of stuff would be helpful. I'm still kind of slacking in my classes, though. I hate it. Psychology is just tough because I have so much trouble studying for the tests. The other two.. I'm just lazy and don't study. Actually, I don't really study for any tests. Ever. I should be failing AP Government, but we get to use our notes. It's bad that I rely on them, but I already know I won't be able to memorize all of those court cases. Except for the one that called Georgia's use of the death penalty "freakish" and "random". (:
[IN OTHER NEWS]
I came across the most entertaining blog today, and it deal with a topic that I always point out: grammatical errors in signs, etc. But not just any grammatical error -- no, that would be too broad. This website focuses on out-of-place or unnecessary quotation marks. You should definitely check it out. Also, "Puttin' On The Ritz" just came on the radio. I love this song.
[MATT, AGAIN]
I know I just spent an hour talking about how I want to break up with my boyfriend. But honestly.. and I guess this is just the "everyone else is doing it" bug biting me.. I'm starting to think we need space. It's weird. One day, I'm completely head over heels for him.. the next, I question why we're in a relationship. I guess it's just because I went sixteen years of my life without a relationship, and now that I'm in one that may just last, I want to get out of it. But I'm also getting into Stet's mind frame: "If he's not the one, then I'm just wasting our time." And honestly.. I know I love him.. but I'm not so sure if he's the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. Or, more specifically, if he's the One that God has picked out for me. I don't know what might've caused me to change my mind suddenly.. it's just really weird. I don't want to say any of this to him.. but I feel guilty. I don't know if I have split emotional personalities, or what. I do love him.. and I love to spend time with him.. but I'm also afraid that choices we've made recently are a) un-reversible, b) making it harder for us to keep a good relationship, and c) half the reason I'm still in a relationship. I always vowed not to let one thing surpass the other, and I let myself make choices that I regret. At the time, it was what I wanted, and I had a more-than-momentary lapse of reason. Now.. I wish I hadn't done it. And I think that might be part of it. And I feel like he's tying me down.. I can't make decisions because I'm starting to not only think of how it'll affect me, but how it will affect "us". And (not that I have many friends anyway) but I already know I blow off my friends to hang out with my boyfriend, because I dont' get to see him much.. so I want to spend as much as possible with him. But I've lost contact with so many people because of Matt.. not that it's his fault, because it's mine.. but just because I want to spend time talking to him and being with him, I don't get to talk to a lot of my other friends anymore. It's like.. just.. ugh.. I can't talk about any of this when I can't even sort out what the deuce I'm thinking.
[ANYWAY]
I pretty much don't have much else to say. Matt gets off work in nine minutes, so he'll probably call me in about.. ehh.. thirty. So I guess I should try to get a little bit of work done between now and then. If you are the praying type at all.. please say a prayer for me.. because I honestly just don't know what to do about anything anymore.
[P.S.]
I play with my food.
10.17.2007
I'm scared.
But I don't have time to write about that right now. Instead, I'm going to post some hardcore inspiration song lyrics that bring tears to my eyes every time I hear them.
.++.
Casting Crowns -- "Voice Of Truth"
Oh, what I would do to have the kind of faith it takes to climb out of this boat I'm in, onto the crashing waves; to step out of my comfort zone, into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is, and he's holding out his hand.
But the waves are calling out my name, and they laugh at me, reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed. The waves they keep on telling me, time and time again, "Boy, you'll never win, you'll never win."
But the voice of truth tells me a different story; the voice of truth says, "Do not be afraid!" And the voice of truth says, "This is for My glory." Out of all the voices calling out to me, I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth.
Oh, what I would do to have the kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant with just a sling and a stone, surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors shaking in their armor, wishing they'd have had the strength to stand.
But the giant's calling out my name and he laughs at me, reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed. The giant keeps on telling me, time and time again, "Boy you'll never win, you'll never win."
But the voice of truth tells me a different story; the voice of truth says, "Do not be afraid!" And the voice of truth says, "This is for My glory." Out of all the voices calling out to me, I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth.
But the stone was just the right size to put the giant on the ground, and the waves, they don't seem so high from on top of them looking down. I will soar with the wings of eagles when I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus, singing over me.
But the voice of truth tells me a different story; the voice of truth says, "Do not be afraid!" And the voice of truth says, "This is for My glory." Out of all the voices calling out to me, I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth...
.++.
Casting Crowns -- "Voice Of Truth"
Oh, what I would do to have the kind of faith it takes to climb out of this boat I'm in, onto the crashing waves; to step out of my comfort zone, into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is, and he's holding out his hand.
But the waves are calling out my name, and they laugh at me, reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed. The waves they keep on telling me, time and time again, "Boy, you'll never win, you'll never win."
But the voice of truth tells me a different story; the voice of truth says, "Do not be afraid!" And the voice of truth says, "This is for My glory." Out of all the voices calling out to me, I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth.
Oh, what I would do to have the kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant with just a sling and a stone, surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors shaking in their armor, wishing they'd have had the strength to stand.
But the giant's calling out my name and he laughs at me, reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed. The giant keeps on telling me, time and time again, "Boy you'll never win, you'll never win."
But the voice of truth tells me a different story; the voice of truth says, "Do not be afraid!" And the voice of truth says, "This is for My glory." Out of all the voices calling out to me, I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth.
But the stone was just the right size to put the giant on the ground, and the waves, they don't seem so high from on top of them looking down. I will soar with the wings of eagles when I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus, singing over me.
But the voice of truth tells me a different story; the voice of truth says, "Do not be afraid!" And the voice of truth says, "This is for My glory." Out of all the voices calling out to me, I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth...
9.30.2007
Descriptive Essay on my boyfriend. :)
I have to turn this in for College English 101 tomorrow morning, so I thought I'd post it. Our assignment was to pick a topic out of a list in our books, and write a seven-hundred to seven-hundred and fifty word paper on it. I chose the topic involving someone I know well, and I picked Matt to write my paper on. So here goes. :)
.++.
The person I am choosing to describe is my best friend, Matt Wotring. We first started talking near the end of July of last year, but didn’t really become friends until we hung out at a mutual friend’s birthday party at the beginning of October. Over the course of the past year, he and I have continued to grow closer and spend as much time together as possible. He has one of those charismatic personalities that is hard to find in the present world. He is very close with all of his family – and believe me, he has a lot of family living nearby – and is probably closer with his cousins than he is with any of his friends. He is currently a senior a Calvary Christian Academy and plans on continuing his education at Frostburg State University, majoring in Computer Science.
One thing that I’ve always admired about Matt is his perseverance. Even though his father died when he was only four years old, and the person he calls “Dad” now is merely a step-father, he still continues to always look on the bright side of things. Many people that go through something like that become depressed and withdrawn, or just never really recover fully. But because of Matt’s cheery disposition, you would’ve never known he’d ever gone through so much at such a young age. Even today, he has this uncanny ability to let things roll off his back and keep smiling – a character trait I’ve always thought highly of, but was never able to adapt in my own life.
Matt is a fairly tall person – somewhere between 5’10” and 5’11” – so it’s always a challenge for me to give him a hug. His black hair is almost always disheveled, and he generally keeps it cut short due to the dress code policy at his school. During the summer, however, he grows it out longer and shaggy. Although he’ll sometimes have a 5’oclock shadow, he never purposely lets any facial hair grow. He has beautiful eyes that are dark brown around the pupils but become lighter as they move toward the edges of the iris, and have specks of darker brown in them. He has an amazing smile – in addition to having sparkling white teeth, he has one of those warm, inviting smiles that instantly make a person more comfortable around him. He’s pretty self-conscious about his shorter legs and large feet, in addition to his weight. He isn’t what a doctor would classify as “thin” – to be honest, he’s slight overweight – but I always say, “The bigger the person, the bigger the heart,” and Matt is no exception.
Matt’s lifestyle greatly reflects the Christian upbringing he has received. Not only does he have good morals, but he has a very loving personality as well. He is one of the most caring people I’ve met – he almost always puts the needs and feelings of other people above his own needs and feelings. He won’t hesitate to loan you money, or take your shift at work, or even just to rake your lawn. He is also very generous, both with his time and his money. He always buys his friends video games (or anything else they want), and he will schedule his day around a person if he has to. He is probably one of the nicest people I’ve ever met – even if he has a problem with somebody, he can still face them with a smile, and ignore the urge to say something rude and unnecessary to them. He’s pretty hard working most of the time, and he strives to make every effort his very best – especially on the soccer field. Matt’s number one passion in life (aside from his girlfriend, I’m told) is soccer. He is the main goalie, as well as one of the team captains, of his school’s soccer team, and his passion for the sport is evident in the effort he puts into it, and the look of enjoyment on his face. He is also very intelligent, and teaches me something new almost every day. The most attractive parts of his personality, though, are his remarkable sense of humor and listening abilities. No matter how bad of a day I’ve had, he will always stop what he’s doing to listen to me vent, and then bring a smile to my face again. Matt is honestly someone who I not only look up to, but also try to model my own personality and attitudes after.
.++.
And, by the way.. I love him very much. :)
.++.
The person I am choosing to describe is my best friend, Matt Wotring. We first started talking near the end of July of last year, but didn’t really become friends until we hung out at a mutual friend’s birthday party at the beginning of October. Over the course of the past year, he and I have continued to grow closer and spend as much time together as possible. He has one of those charismatic personalities that is hard to find in the present world. He is very close with all of his family – and believe me, he has a lot of family living nearby – and is probably closer with his cousins than he is with any of his friends. He is currently a senior a Calvary Christian Academy and plans on continuing his education at Frostburg State University, majoring in Computer Science.
One thing that I’ve always admired about Matt is his perseverance. Even though his father died when he was only four years old, and the person he calls “Dad” now is merely a step-father, he still continues to always look on the bright side of things. Many people that go through something like that become depressed and withdrawn, or just never really recover fully. But because of Matt’s cheery disposition, you would’ve never known he’d ever gone through so much at such a young age. Even today, he has this uncanny ability to let things roll off his back and keep smiling – a character trait I’ve always thought highly of, but was never able to adapt in my own life.
Matt is a fairly tall person – somewhere between 5’10” and 5’11” – so it’s always a challenge for me to give him a hug. His black hair is almost always disheveled, and he generally keeps it cut short due to the dress code policy at his school. During the summer, however, he grows it out longer and shaggy. Although he’ll sometimes have a 5’oclock shadow, he never purposely lets any facial hair grow. He has beautiful eyes that are dark brown around the pupils but become lighter as they move toward the edges of the iris, and have specks of darker brown in them. He has an amazing smile – in addition to having sparkling white teeth, he has one of those warm, inviting smiles that instantly make a person more comfortable around him. He’s pretty self-conscious about his shorter legs and large feet, in addition to his weight. He isn’t what a doctor would classify as “thin” – to be honest, he’s slight overweight – but I always say, “The bigger the person, the bigger the heart,” and Matt is no exception.
Matt’s lifestyle greatly reflects the Christian upbringing he has received. Not only does he have good morals, but he has a very loving personality as well. He is one of the most caring people I’ve met – he almost always puts the needs and feelings of other people above his own needs and feelings. He won’t hesitate to loan you money, or take your shift at work, or even just to rake your lawn. He is also very generous, both with his time and his money. He always buys his friends video games (or anything else they want), and he will schedule his day around a person if he has to. He is probably one of the nicest people I’ve ever met – even if he has a problem with somebody, he can still face them with a smile, and ignore the urge to say something rude and unnecessary to them. He’s pretty hard working most of the time, and he strives to make every effort his very best – especially on the soccer field. Matt’s number one passion in life (aside from his girlfriend, I’m told) is soccer. He is the main goalie, as well as one of the team captains, of his school’s soccer team, and his passion for the sport is evident in the effort he puts into it, and the look of enjoyment on his face. He is also very intelligent, and teaches me something new almost every day. The most attractive parts of his personality, though, are his remarkable sense of humor and listening abilities. No matter how bad of a day I’ve had, he will always stop what he’s doing to listen to me vent, and then bring a smile to my face again. Matt is honestly someone who I not only look up to, but also try to model my own personality and attitudes after.
.++.
And, by the way.. I love him very much. :)
9.24.2007
Hmm.
[MARTIN'S]
Aside from screwing up my schedule, work hasn't been so bad lately. I really like my job, to be honest. I don't even know why I like my job, but I do. The people there are generally friendly.. and if they see you outside of work, they'll still stop and say hey. Like Orin did tonight. While he spied on me as I browsed through the ornaments in Hallmark. Creep.. haha.. jk. :)
[MATT]
Matt is just amazing. I can't say that enough. Nine months and a day ago, I would've never realized how different and amazing my life would become by asking Matt out. And now.. I'm so glad I did it. We spent pretty much the whole day together on Saturday, and it was nothing short of incredible. We missed our exit (twice!) and I ripped my pants, but all in all, we enjoyed ourselves. And I love him more than anything else in the entire world. And he's going to propose to me in fifty-seven months. According to him, at least.
[SPEAKING OF]
pants.. I'm writing a descriptive essay on them. Which is why it's somewhat coincidental that I just ripped them. It adds a nice element to my essay, at least. I think I'm going to start off by describing the general appearance of them.. and then get into where different rips, tears, and holes appeared, and how they got there. I think it'll be interesting. I hope, at least.
[EVERYTHING ELSE]
Everything else has pretty much been shot to hell. I haven't been getting along with my parents lately.. at all.. seriously. We've been fighting non-stop. It's ridiculous. And college.. ehh, actually, that's not going so bad. At least I know what I want to do with my life. Sort of. The only real thing I know about my future is that I want Matt in it, as my husband. Nine months and I've determined this. That's too soon. Ughh.. I hate this.
I'm going to go work on this essay now.. so.. yeah. Maybe another update soon.
Aside from screwing up my schedule, work hasn't been so bad lately. I really like my job, to be honest. I don't even know why I like my job, but I do. The people there are generally friendly.. and if they see you outside of work, they'll still stop and say hey. Like Orin did tonight. While he spied on me as I browsed through the ornaments in Hallmark. Creep.. haha.. jk. :)
[MATT]
Matt is just amazing. I can't say that enough. Nine months and a day ago, I would've never realized how different and amazing my life would become by asking Matt out. And now.. I'm so glad I did it. We spent pretty much the whole day together on Saturday, and it was nothing short of incredible. We missed our exit (twice!) and I ripped my pants, but all in all, we enjoyed ourselves. And I love him more than anything else in the entire world. And he's going to propose to me in fifty-seven months. According to him, at least.
[SPEAKING OF]
pants.. I'm writing a descriptive essay on them. Which is why it's somewhat coincidental that I just ripped them. It adds a nice element to my essay, at least. I think I'm going to start off by describing the general appearance of them.. and then get into where different rips, tears, and holes appeared, and how they got there. I think it'll be interesting. I hope, at least.
[EVERYTHING ELSE]
Everything else has pretty much been shot to hell. I haven't been getting along with my parents lately.. at all.. seriously. We've been fighting non-stop. It's ridiculous. And college.. ehh, actually, that's not going so bad. At least I know what I want to do with my life. Sort of. The only real thing I know about my future is that I want Matt in it, as my husband. Nine months and I've determined this. That's too soon. Ughh.. I hate this.
I'm going to go work on this essay now.. so.. yeah. Maybe another update soon.
9.15.2007
Call this a prelude to a lifetime of you.
[FOOTBALL]
Frankfort is now 2 - 1. We've beaten Moorefield and Hampshire, but we lost to Fort Hill. That's not very shocking. WVU definitely beat the Terps, and I'm definitely upset about that. Either way.. go Terps!
Speaking of Terps.. Mr. Cowgill lost a bet with our class, so he had to take down his Terps flag. So I asked him to borrow it for the weekend. After the football game last night, I told my parents they had to go ahead and leave, and then I switched Mom's WVU flag with his Maryland flag. That was funniest thing.. her reaction was priceless. And then I hung it up somewhere in the house, and she already took it down. Jerk.. lol
[DRAMA]
There is so much drama starting at our school, it isn't even funny. I'm doing my best to stay out of it, and honestly, ever since I've stopped talking to some people.. or at least not talked to some people as much.. I've done a good job of staying out of it. Although, I must admit, it is quite tough, since it seems to follow a lot of my friends. But I still try not to get involved.
[LTC]
I've named our little section of lunch table the Lunch Table Crew (stolen from Big Brother's LNC - Late Night Crew). We're always talking politics or religion, or who's dating and who's broken up and who just can't keep their legs closed. We also help each other with our first block or third block homework, because we're pretty much all in the same class. And we talk about Matt and Arik a lot.. it's wonderful. I love my lunch table. It's pretty much comprised of Melicha, Sarah, Carrie, myself, and Megan. Melissa is there, but she talks to Lindsey a lot of them and doesn't participate in the discussion quite as much. But either way.. I love those guys.. and we need shirts made. :) haha
[STRESS]
I'm not nearly as stressed as I was at the beginning of the week. I got my first psychology test out of the way, as well as my first math test, and my first AP government test. The only score I'm completely sure of is math, because she handed it back.. and I got a 90%, although I didn't finish every problem. She's doing a retest, and I'm taking it, because I want an A. As far as AP government, on the multiple choice, I had an F. But then he let us correct the test, and I'll end up with about a B. But then there was an essay portion that was worth a lot more. So.. I'm hoping I got at least a B on everything. And psychology.. I added up my total.. and I think I got a low B or a high C. Not a very good score. But at the rate we take tests, I can more than make it up. Especially now that I know how the tests are. And it wasn't that the test was really difficult.. it was just that I had a lot of trouble studying and remembering because I was stressing out so bad. If my grades start to slip, the first thing that'll happen is I'll have to quit my job. If they continue to slip, then it'll either be extra-curricular activities or Matt. And either way, I'm not willing to give up either. But that's part of what had me stressed out -- fear of losing Matt and/or extracurriculars. And then I called him, to try to make me feel better.. and I was fine up until he said, "I love you." And then I lost it again. Ugh.. I hate stress. I'm still a little stressed, don't get me wrong.. but that's just because I have a lot of stuff to do and not enough time to do it.
[SMILE Team]
I stayed after school yesterday to help decorate with the SMILE team, and I felt really out of place at first. I'm not exactly decorating smart.. so of course, they send me to help with a group of freshmen, who have never done this before. I'd feel so much better if they would've sent me with a group of juniors or seniors, just because they know what kind of stuff to do. Don't get me wrong -- it was awesome that we had so many people there -- but I felt so lost. Then, I started going on trash duty and making sure everybody was doing okay. Mrs. Cowgill finally noticed the 'lost puppy dog' look and sent me to work with my friend Heather. Little did she know, Heather was leaving for work. So I put up a streamer or two and a little football picture.. and by the time I did then, Kenn came down and asked me for help. So the rest of the day was spent helping Kenn put up posters that Whitney and Madison so amazingly drew. Including.. a senior poster that we all got to sign.. that made me happy. But what made me happiest was the fact that there were probably.. ten or fifteen students that stayed after, in addition to me, to help out. It's so awesome to see that other people have a passion for doing what I love to do. And it makes me feel even better about being the Vice President, because we have a really great group of kids this year.
[MATT]
I can't even begin to tell you how much I love him. And I'm pretty much 100% sure I'm head over heels in love with him. When I say I want to marry him, I'm being rather serious. We've both talked about it, as a not-in-the-near-future topic, of course, and we both agree that it is the desirable result of our relationship. However, we both know things can change, and we both realize that not everything that's built to last does last. Still, though.. we love each other. :) haha.. he's so much fun to just spend time with and talk to. He's really done a great job of being there for me when I need him - something a lot of people have trouble with - and he's put so much work into this relationship. We haven't really fought, per se.. we've disagreed a few times, argued a few times, but we've talked out the problem and gotten over it. We don't fight every day like some relationships, and I'm taking that as a good sign. And if something does happen, we don't hold grudges about it for days or months.. or years.. we just get over it, forget it, and learn from it. Matt is the truly stable point of my life right now, and I am so thankful and so blessed to have him here.
[ANBERLIN]
I've been addicted to Anberlin for the past month or so. I think I'm going to go buy one of their CDs.. either Cities or Never Take Friendship Personal. Both of those have some really great songs on it. *shrug* Maybe I'll do that this weekend. I'm not sure yet. But their song "Time and Confusion" is amazing. And I would sing it to Matt if I could. I'll have to post the lyrics after I finish this up.
[SPEAKING OF..]
Speaking of finishing up.. I guess I'd better go get my work clothes washed and my psychology homework done. So.. until next time!
.++.
Anberlin - Time And Confusion
Woah oh! Yea yea! Woah oh yea yea woah oh!
Woah oh! Yea yea! Woah oh yea yea woah oh!
Live for today, we'll dream tomorrow;
We've got big plans in sight.
We'll take this city, and by nightfall -
The bright lights are calling -
Everything is going our way.
Everything is just as we planned;
This is our future for what we've heard,
And I've still got your hand.
And it feels like, we could last forever,
And I'm not doing this alone.
When memories fade, we've got each other..
When time and confusion collide..
Singing, "I hold it all when I hold you."
When friends walk other ways, we've got each other;
I hold it all when I hold, I hold it all when I hold you.
Woah oh! Yea yea!
Woah oh yea yea woah oh!
We fell on hard times;
This isn't the ideal:
We're miles from home, doing the best that we can (the best that we can).
I wont do this without you (do this without you),
Wont do this without you so take heart,
'Cause you know that you have mine.
And it feels like, we could last forever,
And I'm not doin' this alone.
When memories fade, we've got each other..
When time and confusion collide..
Singing, "I hold it all when I hold you."
When friends walk other ways, we've got each other;
I hold it all when I hold, I hold it all when I hold..
It's not about the money we make,
It's about the passions that we ache for.
What makes your heart beat faster?
Tell me now, what does your body long after?
I don't care now where we live;
It's not where, or what, or who we were with.
I just need you in my life, so promise me again!
When memories fade, we've got each other..
When time and confusion collide..
Singing "I hold it all when I hold you."
When friends walk other ways, we've got each other;
I hold it all when I hold, I hold it all when I hold you.
Woah oh! Yea yea!
Woah oh yea yea woah oh!
Frankfort is now 2 - 1. We've beaten Moorefield and Hampshire, but we lost to Fort Hill. That's not very shocking. WVU definitely beat the Terps, and I'm definitely upset about that. Either way.. go Terps!
Speaking of Terps.. Mr. Cowgill lost a bet with our class, so he had to take down his Terps flag. So I asked him to borrow it for the weekend. After the football game last night, I told my parents they had to go ahead and leave, and then I switched Mom's WVU flag with his Maryland flag. That was funniest thing.. her reaction was priceless. And then I hung it up somewhere in the house, and she already took it down. Jerk.. lol
[DRAMA]
There is so much drama starting at our school, it isn't even funny. I'm doing my best to stay out of it, and honestly, ever since I've stopped talking to some people.. or at least not talked to some people as much.. I've done a good job of staying out of it. Although, I must admit, it is quite tough, since it seems to follow a lot of my friends. But I still try not to get involved.
[LTC]
I've named our little section of lunch table the Lunch Table Crew (stolen from Big Brother's LNC - Late Night Crew). We're always talking politics or religion, or who's dating and who's broken up and who just can't keep their legs closed. We also help each other with our first block or third block homework, because we're pretty much all in the same class. And we talk about Matt and Arik a lot.. it's wonderful. I love my lunch table. It's pretty much comprised of Melicha, Sarah, Carrie, myself, and Megan. Melissa is there, but she talks to Lindsey a lot of them and doesn't participate in the discussion quite as much. But either way.. I love those guys.. and we need shirts made. :) haha
[STRESS]
I'm not nearly as stressed as I was at the beginning of the week. I got my first psychology test out of the way, as well as my first math test, and my first AP government test. The only score I'm completely sure of is math, because she handed it back.. and I got a 90%, although I didn't finish every problem. She's doing a retest, and I'm taking it, because I want an A. As far as AP government, on the multiple choice, I had an F. But then he let us correct the test, and I'll end up with about a B. But then there was an essay portion that was worth a lot more. So.. I'm hoping I got at least a B on everything. And psychology.. I added up my total.. and I think I got a low B or a high C. Not a very good score. But at the rate we take tests, I can more than make it up. Especially now that I know how the tests are. And it wasn't that the test was really difficult.. it was just that I had a lot of trouble studying and remembering because I was stressing out so bad. If my grades start to slip, the first thing that'll happen is I'll have to quit my job. If they continue to slip, then it'll either be extra-curricular activities or Matt. And either way, I'm not willing to give up either. But that's part of what had me stressed out -- fear of losing Matt and/or extracurriculars. And then I called him, to try to make me feel better.. and I was fine up until he said, "I love you." And then I lost it again. Ugh.. I hate stress. I'm still a little stressed, don't get me wrong.. but that's just because I have a lot of stuff to do and not enough time to do it.
[SMILE Team]
I stayed after school yesterday to help decorate with the SMILE team, and I felt really out of place at first. I'm not exactly decorating smart.. so of course, they send me to help with a group of freshmen, who have never done this before. I'd feel so much better if they would've sent me with a group of juniors or seniors, just because they know what kind of stuff to do. Don't get me wrong -- it was awesome that we had so many people there -- but I felt so lost. Then, I started going on trash duty and making sure everybody was doing okay. Mrs. Cowgill finally noticed the 'lost puppy dog' look and sent me to work with my friend Heather. Little did she know, Heather was leaving for work. So I put up a streamer or two and a little football picture.. and by the time I did then, Kenn came down and asked me for help. So the rest of the day was spent helping Kenn put up posters that Whitney and Madison so amazingly drew. Including.. a senior poster that we all got to sign.. that made me happy. But what made me happiest was the fact that there were probably.. ten or fifteen students that stayed after, in addition to me, to help out. It's so awesome to see that other people have a passion for doing what I love to do. And it makes me feel even better about being the Vice President, because we have a really great group of kids this year.
[MATT]
I can't even begin to tell you how much I love him. And I'm pretty much 100% sure I'm head over heels in love with him. When I say I want to marry him, I'm being rather serious. We've both talked about it, as a not-in-the-near-future topic, of course, and we both agree that it is the desirable result of our relationship. However, we both know things can change, and we both realize that not everything that's built to last does last. Still, though.. we love each other. :) haha.. he's so much fun to just spend time with and talk to. He's really done a great job of being there for me when I need him - something a lot of people have trouble with - and he's put so much work into this relationship. We haven't really fought, per se.. we've disagreed a few times, argued a few times, but we've talked out the problem and gotten over it. We don't fight every day like some relationships, and I'm taking that as a good sign. And if something does happen, we don't hold grudges about it for days or months.. or years.. we just get over it, forget it, and learn from it. Matt is the truly stable point of my life right now, and I am so thankful and so blessed to have him here.
[ANBERLIN]
I've been addicted to Anberlin for the past month or so. I think I'm going to go buy one of their CDs.. either Cities or Never Take Friendship Personal. Both of those have some really great songs on it. *shrug* Maybe I'll do that this weekend. I'm not sure yet. But their song "Time and Confusion" is amazing. And I would sing it to Matt if I could. I'll have to post the lyrics after I finish this up.
[SPEAKING OF..]
Speaking of finishing up.. I guess I'd better go get my work clothes washed and my psychology homework done. So.. until next time!
.++.
Anberlin - Time And Confusion
Woah oh! Yea yea! Woah oh yea yea woah oh!
Woah oh! Yea yea! Woah oh yea yea woah oh!
Live for today, we'll dream tomorrow;
We've got big plans in sight.
We'll take this city, and by nightfall -
The bright lights are calling -
Everything is going our way.
Everything is just as we planned;
This is our future for what we've heard,
And I've still got your hand.
And it feels like, we could last forever,
And I'm not doing this alone.
When memories fade, we've got each other..
When time and confusion collide..
Singing, "I hold it all when I hold you."
When friends walk other ways, we've got each other;
I hold it all when I hold, I hold it all when I hold you.
Woah oh! Yea yea!
Woah oh yea yea woah oh!
We fell on hard times;
This isn't the ideal:
We're miles from home, doing the best that we can (the best that we can).
I wont do this without you (do this without you),
Wont do this without you so take heart,
'Cause you know that you have mine.
And it feels like, we could last forever,
And I'm not doin' this alone.
When memories fade, we've got each other..
When time and confusion collide..
Singing, "I hold it all when I hold you."
When friends walk other ways, we've got each other;
I hold it all when I hold, I hold it all when I hold..
It's not about the money we make,
It's about the passions that we ache for.
What makes your heart beat faster?
Tell me now, what does your body long after?
I don't care now where we live;
It's not where, or what, or who we were with.
I just need you in my life, so promise me again!
When memories fade, we've got each other..
When time and confusion collide..
Singing "I hold it all when I hold you."
When friends walk other ways, we've got each other;
I hold it all when I hold, I hold it all when I hold you.
Woah oh! Yea yea!
Woah oh yea yea woah oh!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)