More nonsense.

Things I'm looking forward to:
Working tomorrow.
Seeing Matt on Wednesday.
Beth's Christmas party on Saturday.
Gift-wrapping Saturday morning.
Finishing Matt's present.
Getting my Christmas present.
Finishing my MacBeth project.
Disney World.
The rest of my senior year.
College.
The rest of my life.

Things I'm not looking forward to:
Thinking about Matt being in D.C. without me.
Only getting fifteen minutes outside of church to cuddle with Matt on Wednesday.
Starting Matt's present.
Seeing Matt's reaction to said present.
Starting my MacBeth project.
Disney World.
The rest of my senior year.
College.
The rest of my life.

Beth Mason is having a Christmas party thing this weekend. I'm looking forward to it.. I like Matt's friends. Ben and Patrick and Jordan and Matt (Cosner) will be there.. I'm excited. I love those boys. And Patrick always always always talks to me, no matter what. So at least I know I'll have someone to talk to when Matt's off being the popular party animal that he is.

I'm slacking off majorly in some of my classes.. mostly, AP Government. Not good, since it's a weighted class, and a higher grade in that means above a 4.0 GPA. But right now.. I'm at a 4.0.. so I'm happy. I do have 100% in math class right now, because I've actually been doing my homework and OAs. Or at least attempting both. And actually.. I had a 92.1% in government as of December 12ish.. but.. that's without our sock puppet show, our GDP homework, and the interest group paper that I didn't get to turn in today due to a band function that I forgot about sort of. My English 101 paper is actually done, almost. It's mostly finished.. I just have to make some last minute corrections on it. Speaking of college classes.. my psych teacher told me that my research paper about methamphetamine addiction was so good that she was going to use it for her counseling class. I was pretty proud of myself, actually. My parents were, too. The few people I wanted to show pride, though.. could care less. That kind of hurt. I'm doing well in that class this six weeks.. I'm very pleased with myself. I was the very first presentation on the first day, and the only points I got taken off were because I forgot to do one little thing. In other words.. my presentation and research paper were absolutely perfect. You have no idea how important that is to me. If I can ace the final, there's a possibility I can make a high B or low A for my final grade. That would be amazing. My English 101 class is okay.. British Literature would be better if he didn't make us do so much. But I can't fault him for doing his job. AP Government is just.. I don't know. I don't enjoy it. I love Mr. Cowgill.. it's not him.. it's just. I don't have a passion for that class at all. It's not like Marketing, or Economics.. which were amazing and I wish I could retake them both. I never pay attention in math class, and I know I should.. but I have a really tough time of it. I apologized to Mrs. Cosner for that, too. She knows it's not her teaching.. she's a great teacher. I just have trouble sitting still for that long learning about math. Especially in a room with cell service, and especially at a time when Matt sometimes checks his phone.

Next semester will either be really easy or freakin' ridiculous. I'm expecting the latter. I'll still have British Literature, so that won't be much different. I'll have English 102 rather than English 101, so that might be harder.. I'm not sure. But then we have College Speech.. I'm not so sure about that class. I have Biology with Mr. Clark.. I haven't had Mr. Clark since ninth grade, so this will be fun. And I have Accounting I with Mrs. Luvara, who I had last year for Economics. I love her, even though she's what people consider a "mean" teacher. She does her job, kids don't like it. *shrug* I think she's a good teacher. And I miss having Blake and Tony in my classes. I loved VoTech. (TCBY = Tony's Country Buttered Yams)

I leave for Disney in.. ehh.. ten and a half days. I'm kind of excited about that. But I know that I have two projects to be working on, so I'm not looking forward to doing those. And I have to get Matt's gift done before Saturday, so that I can wrap it on Saturday and give it to him before Beth's party. I'm a bit worried, to be honest. I'm hoping I can utilize my day off on Friday to do that.. and the housework that Dad and Mom ask me to do. But guess who all is going to Disney? Or did I already say.. oh well. Mom, Dad, myself.. and then Matt, Stetter, and Eesh. I'm effing excited for that. I hope we all get along.. I think we will. Downside? I have to sleep in a hotel with three snorers for a night. Not looking forward to that at all. But I'm hoping Mom and Dad fall asleep and Matt and I just stay up and cuddle. (: haha.. and get this. He's staying over the night before we leave. His parents are actually letting him. I'm expecting the apocalypse soon.

Mom said that if Matt and Matt were going to FSU.. and I went, too.. she'd buy us three a house. Well.. she'd buy the house and they would pay rent or whatever. And I was all cool with it.. because I trust myself and the fact that I'm saving myself for marriage. Matt's response was, "Sweet! We'd lose our virginity in the first week." I'm glad one of us has faith.. lol.. I do think that would be nice, though. I know I'd get along with my roommates, at least.

My mind has honestly been so focused on schoolwork and college and stuff that I really don't care about anything else. And when I do care about something else, it's trivial. Like Matt's Christmas present.. it requires a certain part of the computer for a specific reason. Well.. this certain part on ours is BROKE. So I was like.. flipping out, upset, frustrated, near tears, trying to fix the computer today. I never did get it fixed. But I'm going to try to get all of the stuff done tomorrow before school starts.. if Mrs. Bradley is feeling nice. If I can get the first half of it done by tomorrow morning, then I can make haystacks tomorrow right after school, then run in to Wal*Mart before I go into work, then go to work 6 - 10.. then come home and sleep. (: Then I'll have Wednesday, Thursday, and all day Friday to work on stuff.. which is good. But.. seriously.. I have not been excited for anything. This is a bad time for a Disney vacation. I have too much to do. If they could postpone it for awhile.. that'd be awesome. I don't want to go because I have so much stuff left to do. Matt keeps telling me to lighten up but.. I can't. He doesn't understand the whole concept of honors classes and having to get scholarships. I hate it.

I don't feel like badmouthing my boyfriend right now. But if you ask me about it, I will most certainly talk your ear off about how I feel.

Fine Arts starts soon.. I'm pretty excited about that. I'm doing three events.. human video, puppetry group, and instrumental ensemble. I have a feeling I'll be on the not-so-favorable human video team.. which means we probably won't advance, but that's okay.. and the puppet team, which advance every year because they're all amazing.. and instrumental, and I really wish they could do the Ascension. Actually, they really could do the Ascension. But they won't. Argh.. now I'm frustrated. I want to play that song again. The piano part was amazing. But I don't know why I did FA anymore.. because I'm really not good at it.. and I'll have to practice stuff to get better. I don't have time as it is. I'll have Fine Arts all day on Sundays.. nothing really on Mondays.. jazz band Tuesday mornings and community band Tuesday evenings.. drum lessons and church on Wednesdays.. nothing really on Thursdays.. and then probably work from 4:30 - 10 on Friday and then a six or eight hour shift on Saturday. Plus, somewhere in between, I have instrumental ensemble practice with Chris, Staci, Will, and whoever else. I don't know how Staci is doing nine events.. I'm strapped as it is with three. Oh, and I can't forget those extra SMILE Team activities that will be sprinkled here and there.. plus Region Band and WVU Honor Band and all of that good stuff. I love being this stretched out.. I absolutely love it.

And, by the way, I just found out that Youth Convention, which I have been looking forward to since forever, is scheduled the same weekend as my senior prom. If I go to DYC, then I miss one of the most important nights of my high school career. If I go to prom, I have to also convince Matt to stay home and go to prom with me, OR I have a crummy time. Or I go to prom with Chris George and make Matt very jealous.

I feel like there's something very wrong. I can't pinpoint it.. but I can feel it. Sometimes, I think I've put myself into a mild depression due to stress. Nothing I do anymore makes me happy.. even spending time with Matt doesn't make me happy sometimes. The other day, I honestly wanted to throw myself in front of a truck. I have no idea what I was so upset over. I do know that drinking OJ makes me a bit happier. I think I have an iron deficiency or a vitamin deficiency or something. Maybe I'm just tired. All of this work work work has taken a toll on me. I'll be in Disney, but my mind will still be on British Literature and my senior project (which is a pass or fail grade). They're both due around the same time, too, so I'll be doubly stressed. I haven't even started on my senior project because I haven't had too much time to do it.. and I've almost finished reading MacBeth so I can get my Brit. Lit. project out of the way as soon as I can.

Anyway.. I think I've rambled on enough. I have so much more to say, but I was supposed to be in bed an hour ago, and I have school at a normal time tomorrow. I do, however, miss the days when I had bunches of free time and didn't have to worry so much.

Grr.