Without you, I'll be miserable, at best.

So I guess I'll actually do a real update for once.

My break went really well up until Wednesday afternoon. Matt and I went over to Arik's and were hanging out with him and Megan.. and that was all fine.. but then Mom called and started asking me about my grades in Mr. Cowgill's class. Apparently.. they're not as great as I thought they were. I didn't do so hot on a test (that I wasn't aware of) and there were two assignments that I didn't turn in (I'm still trying to figure these out). I have a low B in the class as of the beginning of November grades.. I'm not sure what it is now.. but I've been grounded from going out with Matt, basically. So I've been pretty miserable the past few days.

Lucky for me.. my mom intentionally threw a loophole in for me.. because she said I couldn't go OUT with Matt.. but if he came over here.. or we went out and he happened to meet us..

So I got to spend a few hours with him tonight. Mom, Dad, Stet, Eesh, myself, and Matt all went out to Oscar's tonight.. it was amazing. Just to be with Matt was amazing. I can not begin to tell you how much I missed him.. I don't know what I'm going to do when college rolls around. I'm going to be.. well, if there's a step down from miserable, that'll be me. I don't think Megan will be able to live with me, to be quite honest.

In other news.. as it stands now.. not only will my parents and I be going to Florida.. but Matt, Josh, and Alyssia (Stet and Eesh) are also going! (: I'm so friggin' excited! We leave in.. ohh.. a MONTH! Yay.

I've applied for bunches of scholarships and I'm very hopeful. I'm in the running for two $10,000 scholarships and one $14,000 scholarship.. which would be really helpful.. especially if I don't get PROMISE. Which I'm not so sure I'm still in the running for..

I'm going to post lyrics from a Yellowcard song because I think it's the most amazing song ever. I would marry Ryan Key if I wasn't so head over heels in love with Matt. (:

Oh. If anybody has any tips on long-distance relationships.. please share them.. I desperately want Matt and I to stay together.. and while I have bunches of faith in our relationship.. and I know that if it's meant to be, God will make a way.. I'm not content with just sitting back. So.. please. Please please please.

I can't think of anything of interest to post.. I really wish I could go to Frostburg. I don't want to go to Concord anymore. I'm not telling my parents. I'm settling for an in-state school. Maybe I'm not settling.. maybe FSU is settling.. I'm really not sure. All I know is, I really don't want to go away to college at all, I'm going to be miserable, I'm going to miss my family and my boyfriend entirely too much.. and I'm going to be even more stressed because I'll only have Megan there with me. I hate making new friends so much. I love Megan, don't take that the wrong way.. I'm glad she'll be there with me.. but I'd like to have more than one friend. Making new friends comes second nature to her and Matt both.. and I'm horrible at it.

Truth be told, I'm terrified.

Yellowcard - "Cut Me, Mick"

I can't keep this together, and I might lose this year. I can't get through December, and you know all my fears. Some place somewhere behind me, I walked right through the truth; the truth is that you're the one thing that always pulls me through this troubled life I chose.

You are the one that I need, you know that I can still breathe.. bring me back to life, bring me back to life. You bring me down from my cloud, to keep my feet on the ground.. bring me back to life, bring me back to life.

And when I thought that I might be invincible, it wasn't long before I was invisible to your eyes, and I swear there's nothing left in here, and the more you say you don't care, the more I know you're there.

You are the one that I need, you know that I can still breathe.. bring me back to life, bring me back to life. You bring me down from my cloud, to keep my feet on the ground.. bring me back to life, bring me back to life.

I can't keep this together (you are the one that I need)
I can't stay sick forever (you know that I can still breathe)
I can't stop this disaster (you bring me down from my cloud)
I can't fall any faster..

You are the one that I need, you know that I can still breathe.. bring me back to life, bring me back to life.

You are the one that I need, you know that I can still breathe.. bring me back to life, bring me back to life. You bring me down from my cloud, to keep my feet on the ground.. bring me back to life, bring me back to life.

You are the one that I need, you know that I can still breathe.. you bring me down from my cloud, to keep my feet on the ground..

.++.

And here's how I'll feel once I go away to college...

Mayday Parade - "Miserable At Best"

Katie, don't cry; I know you're trying your hardest, and the hardest part is letting go of the nights we shared. Ocala is calling and you know it's haunting, but compared to your eyes, nothing shines quite as bright. And when we look to the sky, it's not mine, but I want it so..

Let's not pretend you're alone tonight (I know he's there); you're probably hanging out and making eyes (while across the room, he stares). I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor, and ask my girl to dance, and she'll say yes..

Because these words are never easier for me to say, or her to second guess, but I guess that I can live without you but, without you I'll be miserable at best.

You're all that I hoped I'd find, in every single way, and everything I could give is everything you couldn't take. 'Cause nothing feels like home -- you're a thousand miles away -- and the hardest part of living is just taking breaths to stay.

Because I know I'm good for something, I just haven't found it yet. But I need it..

So let's not pretend like you're alone tonight (I know he's there); you're probably hanging out and making eyes (while across the room, he stares). I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor, and ask my girl to dance, and she'll say yes...

Because these words are never easier for me to say, or her to second guess, but I guess that I can live without you, but without you I'll be miserable at best.

And this will be the first time in a week that I'll talk to you, and I can't speak. Been three whole days since I've had sleep, because I dream of his lips on your cheek, and I got the point that I should leave you alone, but we both know that I'm not that strong. And I miss the lips that made me fly...

So let's not pretend that you're alone tonight (I know he's there); you're probably hanging out and making eyes (while across the room, he stares). I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor, and ask my girl to dance, and she'll say yes...

Because these words are never easier for me to say, or her to second guess, but I guess that I can live without you, but without you I'll be miserable..
And I can live without you, but without you I'll be miserable..
And I can live without you, oh, without you, I'll be miserable at best...